Wednesday 19 November 2014
Thursday 13 November 2014
Chapter 13 and 14
It's felt for a while like the plot's been going nowhere for a while, so Davies seems to have rushed a load of plot into the last 19 pages to finish this.
LOIS
Apparently she felt guilty about Daniel during her night of 'passionate lovemaking.' So, even though 'he was a good-looking guy, with a great personality, Lois knew she wouldn't see him again.' Yes, her true love is the emotionally troubled university drop-out who drinks and smokes spliffs so much he can't actually get an erection.
BUT WAIT! Daniel's back, and he's hard and horny! And Lois has some morning sex with Daniel to counterpoint her one-night stand with Matt. Lucky Lois.
Matt goes to Lois's work to give her a bracelet she left back. She says she's not interested in him because she only went out with him cos she'd fallen out with her boyfriend the previous day, and now they were back together again. Matt says she never mentioned she had a boyfriend, and now Daniel has come into the shop, and overhears her talking about having sex with Matt. She gets dumped by Daniel for having sex with someone else while being broken up because there are double standards here for Lois's behaviour. Matt just slinks off feeling offended that he was a one night stand in this melodrama, and entire novel. He came, in every sense, and went in 3 pages.
Lois gets drunk because being a woman everything is her fault and Daniel has no responsibility for being a drama queen!
BUT THEN! Daniel leaves a suicide note for Lois, who races up Constitution Hill to stop him from killing himself. Like the drama queen he is, he hadn't actually done it before Lois got there even though at least 4-5 hours have passed since he left that note. What if she hadn't read it? What if she hadn't interepreted it as a suicide note? What if she hadn't actually twigged that it was Constitution Hill he'd gone to? What if a bear had broken into her room and taken nothing but a pair of knickers and that note? How long would he have waited there?
Anyway, she gets there, calls out his name, and he jumps off the hill, and dies.
All this takes 6 of the 19 pages left. So we're down to 13 pages Onto Cerys...
Cerys and Marc squabble on the seafront. He tries to drown her because her pregnancy might ruin his life, his career, everything and MURDER would obviously not.
This is 3 pages. Now we're down to 10. The plots been going nowhere for 4 chapters, and now, there's suicide and murder. Talk about pacing problems!
Hywel has his 4 last pages. He get back with Meleri. Whatever. There are 6 pages left
Back to Lois. She's been to Daniel's funeral and now she's packing up to go back home to her parents. She's thinking maybe she'll go to Cardiff to do a degree in Psychology. Her A Levels are Welsh, Drama and History, incidentally. She had no interest in Law, because it was hard. Entry requirements for Psychology in Cardiff suggest they'd have a preference for a student with one or more of Mathematics, Biology, Physics, Chemistry and Human Biology. And although I myself dropped out of Aber and subsequently went to Cardiff, it wasn't to do a completely different subject which I had no A Levels in or any demonstrable interest in. Suicidal boyfriends aren't a selling point on a personal statement.
Now we have 4 pages left. Back to Cerys.
Cerys is slutshamed by the Fat Slags who have put out their latest edition of their student hall specific newpaper (even though this hall only ever seemed to have 6 people in it!) with the headline 'Pregnant First Year Slapper Blames Innocent Lecturer For Pregnancy.' Even though that thing surely could barely count as student media, I hope the Fat Slags are aware that student newspapers do have to follow a code of conduct, and I hope they enjoy being suspended for printing a slanderous statement about a fellow student. Where is the Women's Officer. 'Innocent Lecturer' - yep there are no consequences for Marc. Apparently the VC of Aber is so in with the police that Cerys couldn't press charges against Marc. That's some bullshit right there! Some female sexuality punishing devoid of reality bullshit!
After what seems like an eternity of going back and forth, Cerys has had an abortion after all. And now she's off to London, to find a rich man, but she knows she'll never make the same mistakes again. Even though her plan is find a rich man, the same one she started university with.
At the end of this novel about the wild adventures of university first years, which, as in real life, are really boring and repetitive after a while, no one is left in university.
What a [edit] pointlessly stupid insultingly bad and weirdly sexist book. I'm gonna go read something good now.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapters 10 and 11
Chapter 12
LOIS
Apparently she felt guilty about Daniel during her night of 'passionate lovemaking.' So, even though 'he was a good-looking guy, with a great personality, Lois knew she wouldn't see him again.' Yes, her true love is the emotionally troubled university drop-out who drinks and smokes spliffs so much he can't actually get an erection.
BUT WAIT! Daniel's back, and he's hard and horny! And Lois has some morning sex with Daniel to counterpoint her one-night stand with Matt. Lucky Lois.
Matt goes to Lois's work to give her a bracelet she left back. She says she's not interested in him because she only went out with him cos she'd fallen out with her boyfriend the previous day, and now they were back together again. Matt says she never mentioned she had a boyfriend, and now Daniel has come into the shop, and overhears her talking about having sex with Matt. She gets dumped by Daniel for having sex with someone else while being broken up because there are double standards here for Lois's behaviour. Matt just slinks off feeling offended that he was a one night stand in this melodrama, and entire novel. He came, in every sense, and went in 3 pages.
Lois gets drunk because being a woman everything is her fault and Daniel has no responsibility for being a drama queen!
BUT THEN! Daniel leaves a suicide note for Lois, who races up Constitution Hill to stop him from killing himself. Like the drama queen he is, he hadn't actually done it before Lois got there even though at least 4-5 hours have passed since he left that note. What if she hadn't read it? What if she hadn't interepreted it as a suicide note? What if she hadn't actually twigged that it was Constitution Hill he'd gone to? What if a bear had broken into her room and taken nothing but a pair of knickers and that note? How long would he have waited there?
Anyway, she gets there, calls out his name, and he jumps off the hill, and dies.
All this takes 6 of the 19 pages left. So we're down to 13 pages Onto Cerys...
Cerys and Marc squabble on the seafront. He tries to drown her because her pregnancy might ruin his life, his career, everything and MURDER would obviously not.
This is 3 pages. Now we're down to 10. The plots been going nowhere for 4 chapters, and now, there's suicide and murder. Talk about pacing problems!
Hywel has his 4 last pages. He get back with Meleri. Whatever. There are 6 pages left
Back to Lois. She's been to Daniel's funeral and now she's packing up to go back home to her parents. She's thinking maybe she'll go to Cardiff to do a degree in Psychology. Her A Levels are Welsh, Drama and History, incidentally. She had no interest in Law, because it was hard. Entry requirements for Psychology in Cardiff suggest they'd have a preference for a student with one or more of Mathematics, Biology, Physics, Chemistry and Human Biology. And although I myself dropped out of Aber and subsequently went to Cardiff, it wasn't to do a completely different subject which I had no A Levels in or any demonstrable interest in. Suicidal boyfriends aren't a selling point on a personal statement.
Now we have 4 pages left. Back to Cerys.
Cerys is slutshamed by the Fat Slags who have put out their latest edition of their student hall specific newpaper (even though this hall only ever seemed to have 6 people in it!) with the headline 'Pregnant First Year Slapper Blames Innocent Lecturer For Pregnancy.' Even though that thing surely could barely count as student media, I hope the Fat Slags are aware that student newspapers do have to follow a code of conduct, and I hope they enjoy being suspended for printing a slanderous statement about a fellow student. Where is the Women's Officer. 'Innocent Lecturer' - yep there are no consequences for Marc. Apparently the VC of Aber is so in with the police that Cerys couldn't press charges against Marc. That's some bullshit right there! Some female sexuality punishing devoid of reality bullshit!
After what seems like an eternity of going back and forth, Cerys has had an abortion after all. And now she's off to London, to find a rich man, but she knows she'll never make the same mistakes again. Even though her plan is find a rich man, the same one she started university with.
At the end of this novel about the wild adventures of university first years, which, as in real life, are really boring and repetitive after a while, no one is left in university.
What a [edit]
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapters 10 and 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 12 - only 2 left
'Life hadn't been easy for Lois since the horrendous gig in Lampeter.'
Nothing in this chapter is actually particularly bad for Lois, specifically.
Daniel and his band are finished. The record label, unusually, isn't pursuing them for this. Lois has got another job playing piano, to go with her cool shop job, making that 4 jobs she's had in one semester, plus her scholarship money. Lucky for her!
Daniel gets moody with her though for nagging him about being depressed. So he storms off, and they're broken up.
The next day though one of her handsome regular customers comes in. His name is Matt. They go out for drinks, then she goes back to his and they have sex, and she has finally lost her virginity!
Yeah, Lois's life sounds horrendous.
CERYS
Cerys goes to meet Marc's wife Sioned under the assumption that telling him that she's pregnant will make her divorce Marc. As is always the case with these stupid cliche plots, she's gonna stand by her man. She calls Cerys a whore, obviously, and then says that her and Marc have an 'open marriage.' Although, I think when Sioned says this, she's describing an open marriage where he's allowed to do the cheating, and she stays home with the kids and doesn't complain because she also says this:
'You're the third girl in the last ten years who's been in the same situation, thanks to Marc; he seems to think the university is like the Pick-n-Mix at Woolworth's, that you can grab anything you like and not pay for it if no one's looking.'
Yeah, Sioned, your relationship sound really happy. Sounds like that 'open marriage' is working out for you. Get a divorce!
Also, TEN YEARS? He said he was 36. That means he's been screwing students since he was 26. No one did anything? Sioned's father, VC of the university, hasn't put this guy in his place? The Welsh History department hasn't put him in his place? He could barely have finished a PhD when he started screwing around. When/how did he find time for academic focus since, like everyone in this universe, he seems to have no interest in anything academic. Sioned knows he's been screwing around for ten years, so they've been married longer, despite the fact that he is a serial cheater. Why did she stay married before he could have any academic career to speak of? Do early-career lecturers earn that much? This guy has NEVER been a faithful husband, father, or respectable university academic. Usually this cliche cheating academic is a bit older, because it gives some sense that they were once bright and happy but now they're in a midlife crisis because their wives are old and they've got all this fresh meat around. Marc though, apparently, is actually just a complete and utter depraved bastard lacking any sense of moral compass. Given how cliched Marc is though outside of the fact of being somewhat young academically, I actually am inclined to think we weren't supposed to notice that and neither Davies or the editor at Honno thought about how old he more plausibly should have been.
Are there any consequences to Marc for his latest indiscretion? No.
Are there consequences for Cerys? Yes. Because she's a bad girl, she's a whore, and they get punished! FEMINISM!
Hywel
Hywel realises he's done wrong and flees a life of looking after homeless druggies in Ammanford, where 'drugs are plentiful' (who knew?) and decides to rescue Meleri from the life of drunken spinster misery that she will surely succumb to without a man! FEMINISM!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapters 10 and 11
Nothing in this chapter is actually particularly bad for Lois, specifically.
Daniel and his band are finished. The record label, unusually, isn't pursuing them for this. Lois has got another job playing piano, to go with her cool shop job, making that 4 jobs she's had in one semester, plus her scholarship money. Lucky for her!
Daniel gets moody with her though for nagging him about being depressed. So he storms off, and they're broken up.
The next day though one of her handsome regular customers comes in. His name is Matt. They go out for drinks, then she goes back to his and they have sex, and she has finally lost her virginity!
Yeah, Lois's life sounds horrendous.
CERYS
Cerys goes to meet Marc's wife Sioned under the assumption that telling him that she's pregnant will make her divorce Marc. As is always the case with these stupid cliche plots, she's gonna stand by her man. She calls Cerys a whore, obviously, and then says that her and Marc have an 'open marriage.' Although, I think when Sioned says this, she's describing an open marriage where he's allowed to do the cheating, and she stays home with the kids and doesn't complain because she also says this:
'You're the third girl in the last ten years who's been in the same situation, thanks to Marc; he seems to think the university is like the Pick-n-Mix at Woolworth's, that you can grab anything you like and not pay for it if no one's looking.'
Yeah, Sioned, your relationship sound really happy. Sounds like that 'open marriage' is working out for you. Get a divorce!
Also, TEN YEARS? He said he was 36. That means he's been screwing students since he was 26. No one did anything? Sioned's father, VC of the university, hasn't put this guy in his place? The Welsh History department hasn't put him in his place? He could barely have finished a PhD when he started screwing around. When/how did he find time for academic focus since, like everyone in this universe, he seems to have no interest in anything academic. Sioned knows he's been screwing around for ten years, so they've been married longer, despite the fact that he is a serial cheater. Why did she stay married before he could have any academic career to speak of? Do early-career lecturers earn that much? This guy has NEVER been a faithful husband, father, or respectable university academic. Usually this cliche cheating academic is a bit older, because it gives some sense that they were once bright and happy but now they're in a midlife crisis because their wives are old and they've got all this fresh meat around. Marc though, apparently, is actually just a complete and utter depraved bastard lacking any sense of moral compass. Given how cliched Marc is though outside of the fact of being somewhat young academically, I actually am inclined to think we weren't supposed to notice that and neither Davies or the editor at Honno thought about how old he more plausibly should have been.
Are there any consequences to Marc for his latest indiscretion? No.
Are there consequences for Cerys? Yes. Because she's a bad girl, she's a whore, and they get punished! FEMINISM!
Hywel
Hywel realises he's done wrong and flees a life of looking after homeless druggies in Ammanford, where 'drugs are plentiful' (who knew?) and decides to rescue Meleri from the life of drunken spinster misery that she will surely succumb to without a man! FEMINISM!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapters 10 and 11
Chapter 10 and 11 of Freshers
By this point, it seems like the novel is really stalling in Chapter 10
Lois and Daniel go out, they meet an ex of Daniels, she says he's got problems, she should get out of this one. Bounty Hunter are having a big gig to launch their album.... in Lampeter. Wow, the record label are really backing that then!
Cerys goes to have an abortion. Lois asks her if she's doing the right thing, apparently having forgotten that she along with everyone else last chapter, told her to get rid of it. But Cerys changes her mind anyway, and decides she wants to keep it, which is what she wanted to do last chapter and this was, even for this book, a thoroughly pointless conversation.
Hywel's mother emotionally bullies him into ditching Meleri and encouraging him to get a divorce. Isn't it kind of contradictory to be all holier than though about sex before marriage, and then encourage your son to divorce his wife after they've very definitely had sex? Nope, best not ask. She's also arranged with the university that he can have the rest of the year off and repeat his first year again because of his recent bereavement. I'm sure universities would not do that. Maybe grant an extension, but an entire academic year repeat seems extreme. Student bereavement isn't that rare a situation for a university. Or anyone.
In Chapter 11 Lois and Fflur get fired. But working in a supermarket was boring anyway, so it's not a big deal. It's not like they need to make money! Fflur decides to steal stuff from the supermarket, but Lois being our virginal good girl Mary Sue heroine just keeps a look-out. Which, I think would actually also make you culpable. Anyway, no need to worry about her finances because she already had another job playing piano, but she gives that up because the dance tutor was an 'old witch.' FEMINISM! Fflur and Lois both see a job in a cool student shop. But of course, that's only for one person. But Fflur lets Lois have it. God forbid there'd be any tension or reflection here on the competitveness of the job market! Then they go get cool sexy clothes for this Lampeter album launch. Fflur's behaviour at this point seems more like Cerys at the beginning, making me wonder if this chapter came from an earlier draft and was originally meant to be Cerys.
The big gig is in an big indoor space and a field. Then there's like two hundred people there! In all fairness, that's a quarter of Lampeter's student population. This then has more editor fail as Lois observes that 'it was obvious that Bounty Hunter were popular with the girls and the band of the moment.' Yet a paragraph later, they haven't actually performed yet, and their actual set involves the lead singer getting shitfaced, pissing (literally) on the audience before the band get into a fight onstage and start a riot in the crowd. Apparently this means the record label have cancelled the record deal. In reality I suspect the band members would have been arrested for public disorder, and likely sued by the record label for the damages and loss of sales, among other things.
Cerys's storyline meanwhile is on repeat. Marc wants her to get an abortion. She doesn't want to. She thinks that Marc will leave his wife once he sees their baby. She decides 'the only obstacle to her happiness was Marc's wife.' FFS, how could you not yet have worked this one out? Marc is using you and is never going to leave his wife. And apparently everyone in Old College is talking about this. Which is hardly surprising. They have sex in hotels on the seafront, they meet up on the seafront, SHE SITS IN HIS LECTURES WITH NO KNICKERS, and this is a small town. But they shouldn't be too worried. The main campus is on top of the hill!
Hywel's inconsequential plotline goes thus: He's not going to confront his mum, and plans to transfer to Swansea to be nearer home (which is Ammanford). He figures Meleri can transfer too, since they do geography there too. (this is chapter 11, and this is the most information we get about her!) He hasn't asked her about this, he just figures that fine. MARRIAGE! FEMINISM! Hywel decides to not hurt his mother, while grieving, and break up with Meleri. She's obviously upset by this, and Hywel's mum comforts her, leads her to the door, and then slams it on her. Hywel's mum knows a good divorce lawyer. WHY??? How very Christian. Meleri should just refuse a divorce, frankly, to frustrate Hywel's mum forever, because she is quite the emotional bully here, continuing this novel's obsession with bitches, witches and whores of female characters. Written by a woman, for a women's writing press.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Lois and Daniel go out, they meet an ex of Daniels, she says he's got problems, she should get out of this one. Bounty Hunter are having a big gig to launch their album.... in Lampeter. Wow, the record label are really backing that then!
Cerys goes to have an abortion. Lois asks her if she's doing the right thing, apparently having forgotten that she along with everyone else last chapter, told her to get rid of it. But Cerys changes her mind anyway, and decides she wants to keep it, which is what she wanted to do last chapter and this was, even for this book, a thoroughly pointless conversation.
Hywel's mother emotionally bullies him into ditching Meleri and encouraging him to get a divorce. Isn't it kind of contradictory to be all holier than though about sex before marriage, and then encourage your son to divorce his wife after they've very definitely had sex? Nope, best not ask. She's also arranged with the university that he can have the rest of the year off and repeat his first year again because of his recent bereavement. I'm sure universities would not do that. Maybe grant an extension, but an entire academic year repeat seems extreme. Student bereavement isn't that rare a situation for a university. Or anyone.
In Chapter 11 Lois and Fflur get fired. But working in a supermarket was boring anyway, so it's not a big deal. It's not like they need to make money! Fflur decides to steal stuff from the supermarket, but Lois being our virginal good girl Mary Sue heroine just keeps a look-out. Which, I think would actually also make you culpable. Anyway, no need to worry about her finances because she already had another job playing piano, but she gives that up because the dance tutor was an 'old witch.' FEMINISM! Fflur and Lois both see a job in a cool student shop. But of course, that's only for one person. But Fflur lets Lois have it. God forbid there'd be any tension or reflection here on the competitveness of the job market! Then they go get cool sexy clothes for this Lampeter album launch. Fflur's behaviour at this point seems more like Cerys at the beginning, making me wonder if this chapter came from an earlier draft and was originally meant to be Cerys.
The big gig is in an big indoor space and a field. Then there's like two hundred people there! In all fairness, that's a quarter of Lampeter's student population. This then has more editor fail as Lois observes that 'it was obvious that Bounty Hunter were popular with the girls and the band of the moment.' Yet a paragraph later, they haven't actually performed yet, and their actual set involves the lead singer getting shitfaced, pissing (literally) on the audience before the band get into a fight onstage and start a riot in the crowd. Apparently this means the record label have cancelled the record deal. In reality I suspect the band members would have been arrested for public disorder, and likely sued by the record label for the damages and loss of sales, among other things.
Cerys's storyline meanwhile is on repeat. Marc wants her to get an abortion. She doesn't want to. She thinks that Marc will leave his wife once he sees their baby. She decides 'the only obstacle to her happiness was Marc's wife.' FFS, how could you not yet have worked this one out? Marc is using you and is never going to leave his wife. And apparently everyone in Old College is talking about this. Which is hardly surprising. They have sex in hotels on the seafront, they meet up on the seafront, SHE SITS IN HIS LECTURES WITH NO KNICKERS, and this is a small town. But they shouldn't be too worried. The main campus is on top of the hill!
Hywel's inconsequential plotline goes thus: He's not going to confront his mum, and plans to transfer to Swansea to be nearer home (which is Ammanford). He figures Meleri can transfer too, since they do geography there too. (this is chapter 11, and this is the most information we get about her!) He hasn't asked her about this, he just figures that fine. MARRIAGE! FEMINISM! Hywel decides to not hurt his mother, while grieving, and break up with Meleri. She's obviously upset by this, and Hywel's mum comforts her, leads her to the door, and then slams it on her. Hywel's mum knows a good divorce lawyer. WHY??? How very Christian. Meleri should just refuse a divorce, frankly, to frustrate Hywel's mum forever, because she is quite the emotional bully here, continuing this novel's obsession with bitches, witches and whores of female characters. Written by a woman, for a women's writing press.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 9 of 14 - Freshers
People used to believe that women only went to university to get their M.R.S. - i.e. to find a husband. Nowadays, universities have larger numbers of female students, but even I sometimes can't shake the feeling that there are still girls who aren't really academically inclined, and are really just looking for a boyfriend, and are only there to not get a job.
Thank god then that this novel portrays it's female characters with academic focus and dedication!
LOIS
Lois and Fflur have dropped out of university, faking some psychological issues so they can keep their scholarships. Because mental health problems are just a thing that helps you get out of taking responsibility and getting money. Lois though hasn't told her parents about any of this, and now they've angrily turned up at her flat, where they're all apparently doing nothing but get drunk and smoke weed, and are, quite reasonably, concerned. Of course, in this narrative Lois is acting like their interference is a total downer, and why can't they let her be free! They point out that they're giving her £200 a month.
WAIT! WHAT? SHE GETS £200 A MONTH FROM HER PARENTS, AND A SCHOLARSHIP.
Her rent, apparently, is £30 a month? Her scholarship, which she got to keep, was £1500. On top of that her and Fflur have just got jobs in the supermarket (ah, the heady days of 1991/2 when you could just go to the supermarket, ask for a job, and you'd both be hired!) By my count, Lois here is getting a pretty reasonable income even before you factor in the £200 she gets from her parents. And living costs in 1991 weren't that bad either.
Anyway she escapes her evil parents (GOD HELP YOU, YOUR PARENTS LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY!) on Daniel's bike to hide out in another house in Aberystwyth. All these empty bedrooms going!
CERYS
Cerys is PREGNANT! That's what she gets for being a whore. Bad girls always get punished! ALWAYS! FEMINISM! Anyway, she wants to talk to Lois and bumps into her in the supermarket with the Fat Slags. Because they're women, they handle this potential dilemma of a pregnant woman with tact, discretion and consideration:
'At least I don't overeat because no one wants to have sex with me!', said Fflur.
She then overcharges them £60 for the sweets. Which apparently is twice the costs of rent, so WTF, how much did she overcharge them? How many crisps did they buy? Did Davies do any research into how much anything should have cost?
Lois has a go at Cerys for telling her own mum about Lois dropping out, who then told Lois's mum. Because this is obviously Cerys's fault, and not Lois's fault for lying to her parents for months.
So, Cerys tell Marc. Marc gets angry at her for tricking him by deliberately getting pregnant, which Cerys actually did do, so this piece of stereotypical male fear of a baby trap is actually legitimated by the narrative. FEMINISM! Cerys doesn't want to get an abortion. He tells her she has to, 'it's just a bunch of cells.' She doesn't respond with 'You're gonna see a bunch of cells soon, you utter cunt!' No, she makes up some story about how if she has an abortion she'll never be able to have a baby again, so she can't have an abortion. No, Cerys, you can't have an abortion because it's your body, it's your choice and you can't be forced into it, and if you told the doctor that your boyfriend is a married man who's pressuring you into it because he's afraid his wife will leave him and that you didn't really want to get rid of a baby and you wanted to keep it, that doctor would undoubtedly refuse to perform such an operation. Hell, its generally the case that most girls find their doctors reluctant to do it, not being all 'well, spread your legs, I'll get the coathanger!' But I wouldn't have expected a female author to have any more nuanced grasp on the complex nature of it.
Cerys decides that she's gonna leave it long enough so she can't get an abortion, so then she can pressue Marc more. BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA WORK!
The Fat Slags tell her that she'll be kicked out of the college if she's pregnant. I very much doubt that would be in any way true. There surely is a women's officer in the student union that could advise her more clearly on this? She decides that the Fat Slags are ugly fat bitches! 'Seeing one of the Slags's stark naked amours running helter skelter down Taliesin's corridors, screaming in shock and disbelief was a regular occurence.' Yep, let's mock the fat girls. Fat girls deserve to be mocked. Guys are horrified by the thought of sleeping with a fat girl, they literally run away so fast they don't even get dressed. And how many people live in this hall? And if this is a regular occurence, that would mean various men have at some point been sexually interested in these women.
Lois tells Cerys she should get an abortion. They decide not to talk about it any more because they've got to go to a wedding. Cerys asks to borrow something sexy off Lois? Because, you know, she's a whore!
Hywel gets married and they move into a flat, because his life is basically great! BUT WAIT! The warden/academic from Taliesin has come to their flat to tell them something (and apparently, there's no problems for these two either moving out of the halls mid-term.) Hywel's father passed away!
For some reason it specifies that Dr Edmund is a PhD, not a medical doctor.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Thank god then that this novel portrays it's female characters with academic focus and dedication!
LOIS
Lois and Fflur have dropped out of university, faking some psychological issues so they can keep their scholarships. Because mental health problems are just a thing that helps you get out of taking responsibility and getting money. Lois though hasn't told her parents about any of this, and now they've angrily turned up at her flat, where they're all apparently doing nothing but get drunk and smoke weed, and are, quite reasonably, concerned. Of course, in this narrative Lois is acting like their interference is a total downer, and why can't they let her be free! They point out that they're giving her £200 a month.
WAIT! WHAT? SHE GETS £200 A MONTH FROM HER PARENTS, AND A SCHOLARSHIP.
Her rent, apparently, is £30 a month? Her scholarship, which she got to keep, was £1500. On top of that her and Fflur have just got jobs in the supermarket (ah, the heady days of 1991/2 when you could just go to the supermarket, ask for a job, and you'd both be hired!) By my count, Lois here is getting a pretty reasonable income even before you factor in the £200 she gets from her parents. And living costs in 1991 weren't that bad either.
Anyway she escapes her evil parents (GOD HELP YOU, YOUR PARENTS LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY!) on Daniel's bike to hide out in another house in Aberystwyth. All these empty bedrooms going!
CERYS
Cerys is PREGNANT! That's what she gets for being a whore. Bad girls always get punished! ALWAYS! FEMINISM! Anyway, she wants to talk to Lois and bumps into her in the supermarket with the Fat Slags. Because they're women, they handle this potential dilemma of a pregnant woman with tact, discretion and consideration:
'At least I don't overeat because no one wants to have sex with me!', said Fflur.
She then overcharges them £60 for the sweets. Which apparently is twice the costs of rent, so WTF, how much did she overcharge them? How many crisps did they buy? Did Davies do any research into how much anything should have cost?
Lois has a go at Cerys for telling her own mum about Lois dropping out, who then told Lois's mum. Because this is obviously Cerys's fault, and not Lois's fault for lying to her parents for months.
So, Cerys tell Marc. Marc gets angry at her for tricking him by deliberately getting pregnant, which Cerys actually did do, so this piece of stereotypical male fear of a baby trap is actually legitimated by the narrative. FEMINISM! Cerys doesn't want to get an abortion. He tells her she has to, 'it's just a bunch of cells.' She doesn't respond with 'You're gonna see a bunch of cells soon, you utter cunt!' No, she makes up some story about how if she has an abortion she'll never be able to have a baby again, so she can't have an abortion. No, Cerys, you can't have an abortion because it's your body, it's your choice and you can't be forced into it, and if you told the doctor that your boyfriend is a married man who's pressuring you into it because he's afraid his wife will leave him and that you didn't really want to get rid of a baby and you wanted to keep it, that doctor would undoubtedly refuse to perform such an operation. Hell, its generally the case that most girls find their doctors reluctant to do it, not being all 'well, spread your legs, I'll get the coathanger!' But I wouldn't have expected a female author to have any more nuanced grasp on the complex nature of it.
Cerys decides that she's gonna leave it long enough so she can't get an abortion, so then she can pressue Marc more. BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA WORK!
The Fat Slags tell her that she'll be kicked out of the college if she's pregnant. I very much doubt that would be in any way true. There surely is a women's officer in the student union that could advise her more clearly on this? She decides that the Fat Slags are ugly fat bitches! 'Seeing one of the Slags's stark naked amours running helter skelter down Taliesin's corridors, screaming in shock and disbelief was a regular occurence.' Yep, let's mock the fat girls. Fat girls deserve to be mocked. Guys are horrified by the thought of sleeping with a fat girl, they literally run away so fast they don't even get dressed. And how many people live in this hall? And if this is a regular occurence, that would mean various men have at some point been sexually interested in these women.
Lois tells Cerys she should get an abortion. They decide not to talk about it any more because they've got to go to a wedding. Cerys asks to borrow something sexy off Lois? Because, you know, she's a whore!
Hywel gets married and they move into a flat, because his life is basically great! BUT WAIT! The warden/academic from Taliesin has come to their flat to tell them something (and apparently, there's no problems for these two either moving out of the halls mid-term.) Hywel's father passed away!
For some reason it specifies that Dr Edmund is a PhD, not a medical doctor.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 8 of Freshers
So, it's now December
Lois is getting letters from her department asking why isn't she at tutorials. She whinges that they already got their money, so why can't they leave her be?
And that money would be?
Tuition fees, paid by students, were not introduced until 1997/8. This is 1991. This seems like quite a glaring oversight for a writer. No one needs to be constantly factually accurate, but this is easily researchable. Even if some students were paying fees, they were nowhere near current figures. it's already established that Lois is not exactly living on the bread line. She's getting a scholarship, she's not even on a student loan here!
This chapter is very repetitive, only otherwise establishing that Lois isn't doing very well, and that she used to be the best student. It's bad editing as well that no one picked up how many times it is mentioned that Lois isn't doing very well, because this is going to come up again. This must be part of the extra 20,000 words.She goes a a tutorial, it's dull, then she has yet another wild house party, and an argument with Hywel.
CERYS
Cerys continues to be a gross whore, now on a train from Aberystywth to London. Did they have first class compartments in 1991? They don't now! She's reading a women's porn mag on the train, and this gets Marc excited so they have sex in the toilet. Nothing's sexier than train toilets! I'm going to assume that their constant shagging has caused brain damage since if you're trying to have a SECRET affair, doing it in a toilet on a train would risk a potential charge of indecency.
He takes her to Stringfelllows, because that's romantic! Then he takes her to Oxford Street and buys her an expensive ring that costs over £1000. Not being a ring person, and not old enough in 1991 to understand money, I can't actually tell if we're supposed to think that's impressive or spectacularly rubbish.
Back at their hotel UH OH, Marc's wife rang the room, and Cerys picked up. Mrs Arwel doesn't buy for a second Marc's excuse that she's the maid! Because, come on Marc. Rookie move! You should have had that off the hook. Marc gets into a strop and ditches Cerys, who thinks Marc's wife is a 'bloody bitch' for killing the vibe. FEMINISM!
HYWEL
And because this book is written by a woman, Hywel's plotline is the most consequence free. He takes Meleri home to meet his parents, failing to mention that they'd be sleeping in seperate beds because they're Christian. Meleri, being a sex-crazed maniac like all the women of this novel, has sex with him and his parents burst in. So Hywel announces he's leaving and decides to marry Meleri. No problems for Hywel, and his sex doll of a fiance! FEMINISM!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Lois is getting letters from her department asking why isn't she at tutorials. She whinges that they already got their money, so why can't they leave her be?
And that money would be?
Tuition fees, paid by students, were not introduced until 1997/8. This is 1991. This seems like quite a glaring oversight for a writer. No one needs to be constantly factually accurate, but this is easily researchable. Even if some students were paying fees, they were nowhere near current figures. it's already established that Lois is not exactly living on the bread line. She's getting a scholarship, she's not even on a student loan here!
This chapter is very repetitive, only otherwise establishing that Lois isn't doing very well, and that she used to be the best student. It's bad editing as well that no one picked up how many times it is mentioned that Lois isn't doing very well, because this is going to come up again. This must be part of the extra 20,000 words.She goes a a tutorial, it's dull, then she has yet another wild house party, and an argument with Hywel.
CERYS
Cerys continues to be a gross whore, now on a train from Aberystywth to London. Did they have first class compartments in 1991? They don't now! She's reading a women's porn mag on the train, and this gets Marc excited so they have sex in the toilet. Nothing's sexier than train toilets! I'm going to assume that their constant shagging has caused brain damage since if you're trying to have a SECRET affair, doing it in a toilet on a train would risk a potential charge of indecency.
He takes her to Stringfelllows, because that's romantic! Then he takes her to Oxford Street and buys her an expensive ring that costs over £1000. Not being a ring person, and not old enough in 1991 to understand money, I can't actually tell if we're supposed to think that's impressive or spectacularly rubbish.
Back at their hotel UH OH, Marc's wife rang the room, and Cerys picked up. Mrs Arwel doesn't buy for a second Marc's excuse that she's the maid! Because, come on Marc. Rookie move! You should have had that off the hook. Marc gets into a strop and ditches Cerys, who thinks Marc's wife is a 'bloody bitch' for killing the vibe. FEMINISM!
HYWEL
And because this book is written by a woman, Hywel's plotline is the most consequence free. He takes Meleri home to meet his parents, failing to mention that they'd be sleeping in seperate beds because they're Christian. Meleri, being a sex-crazed maniac like all the women of this novel, has sex with him and his parents burst in. So Hywel announces he's leaving and decides to marry Meleri. No problems for Hywel, and his sex doll of a fiance! FEMINISM!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Wednesday 12 November 2014
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