Ireland Final pt 1: Maria McCool and Donna McCaul

Who is that Mairead Farrell woman and why does The Late Late Show invite her to be their Eurovision fan. She's boring and she doesn't have any insight beyond the obvious? She has a vibe of tokenism about her.

So first up was Maria McCool, the years token celtic entry. Since doing away with the irish language entry, there's always a celtic entry. Anyway, as I previously expected, they all were like, oh yes, Maria McCool is very irish but Dervish did so badly, we shouldn't do celtic again.

Like with Sandy Jones in 1972, it's getting the reason for the failure wrong. Dervish's performance was firstly dreadful, but secondly the song was cloyingly twee! Twee Celtic? No, celtic music is and should be dark and brooding. Ireland's a country of rain, and clouds, and mountains. Music is appropriately dark and brooding, not SUNSHINE, FLOWERS, SPRINGTIME. Urgh.

There was fire and stuff, that song was cool. Ok. Mairead Farrell, piss off! Late Late Show, call me!

On it went to Donna McCaul

They talked about her like she was being a Lady Gaga type. McCaul is only Gaga-like in the sense that Gaga is not very original and mostly ripping off better things. Gaga though, of course, does her ripping-off with such extravagance and pomposity that she seems original.

McCaul just seems like she's doing karaoke. Everything about her screams karaoke singer. She has a scrap of a voice and no stage presence. She looked like someone's mum embarassing herself. Her outfit make her look frumpy and boxy. God, why was she even brought back again? She was the flop from 2005!

So, yeah, by this point, I figured Jedward was their winner... sigh.

Ireland's National Final

Right, I'm going away on Thursday to a hotel in Scotland that has no internet! Which means.... BOOO, I'm going to miss the Irish National Final!

Still, it's probably the most obvious bloody contest of all. Sigh. Oh general public, must you be so easily led!

So, here's what will happen on Friday

Ryan Tubridy will open the Late Late Show. He will continue to be his usual under-appreciated, oft-maligned, geeky academic hotness.

My future 3rd husband

Anyway, first up will be Maria McCool. Her song will be underappreciated and everyone will sulk that it might not be very Eurovision even though her song is beautiful and awesome! B*witched jokes will be made (My sister will kill me if I don't use the '*' symbol there!) 

Then Donna McCaul will be on. She'll be a minor disappointment, restricted by the nature of the RTE studio,   but still an impressive show. Everyone will say they think it's great but it'll seem obvious they're lying. Ryan Tubridy has no pokerface. 

Then we'll get the guitar boy. Everyone will compliment it's skill but subtly dislike it. 

Then we'll all be bored by Language of Love

Then Jedward will be on, everyone will gush about how awesome they were, reference their lack of talent, ignore how blandly american their sound is.

Then a former 90s winner will perform. We'll give the thing a standing ovation because their 90s wins were all made of fucking WIN and awesome! Ryan Tubridy will awkwardly interview, because he is no personality, and no real journalist, and often seems out of his depth. Or perhaps, beneath his depth, because The Late Late Show is descending into trashy disposable celebrity levels, and Tubridy just does not seem like a man interested in Z listers. He seems like a guy who should be presenting smart but down-to-earth history documentaries. 

Anyway... after 40 minutes of faffing the juries and televote will speak. It'll seem briefly like Donna will win, but Limerick will be again a place of inbreds and fuck all taste and will vote for jedward, and they'll win by a landslide. Ryan Tubridy will again fail at pokerface and will wonder briefly why is he doing this at all, why didn't he just scream at the audience and call it for someone else. Gay Byrne wouldn't have stood for this shit. Nor would Pat Kenny.

Sigh

Ireland Eurovision 2012 -- The Songs

The Songs!!! 1: Maria McCool, Mistaken

 There's always a Celtic entry in Ireland's national final. This is probably the most modern sounding one they've had for a long time. It's the most interesting song in the running for Ireland. It's also got the least chance. But, as I already said, that's better for you, because you can make money on it's win! Think about it Ireland. Don't you need some money?...

 2: Donna McCaul, Mercy

 She's improved since 2005's disastrous entry. This is probably the most likely to defeat Jedward, if that is possible at this point. However, it has a dodgy spoken bit in the middle. :S 

3: Andrew Mann, Here I am
 Can't find a link to this one. That's ok. It was too dull to talk about.

 4: Una Gibney and David Shannon, Language of Love

 Urgh at this song. Just urgh. It does all the things i dislike in eurovision songs. Cheesey peace anthem. Just urgh!

5: Waterline, Jedward
 

Wait, is this Jedward? It can't be. It sounds in tune. This one could almost pass as good. What THE FUCK is going on here?

In order my choice would be:

1: Maria McCool  -- odds are now 20/1. Come on, she's a moneymaker! DO IT!!

2: Donna McCaul -- if we could take out the spoken bit.

3: Jedward -- i'm imagining them close to the waterline, and drowning, ahahahahahahahahaaaa!

4: Andrew Mann -- disappointlingly all over the place.

5: Una and David -- too sappy.