Wednesday 17 April 2013

Your 4 Toilet Break Entries

Every Eurovision has several entries that you struggle to remember after the contest. They're not the terrible entries, or the brilliant entries, but the ones that got lost in amongst the success or weirdness of others. 

It can be really hard as well, to sit and watch and drink through 17 to 18 songs without needing to use the loo, so, here are the eurovision entries you will be most likely taking a break in.

So, here are your toilet break entries.

Cyprus

Ah Cyprus. I think of this country as The Other Malta. It's somewhere in mediterranean Europe, and they've never had an entry I could remember the tune of, with the exception of La La Love, which might have just over-repeated it's way into my head. If you didn't have issues with Turkey and/or Greece, I'd have no idea where you were on a map of europe. 

TB odds. Medium. It's late in the running, so maybe you'll just hold out or go during Belgium. 

Speaking of Malta...


Drama-free-Cyprus

I hate these songs in general for their pointless insipidness but appreciate Malta's dedication to providing a toilet break. 

TB odds Low. You might either be too busy tweeting your snarkiness of Finland, or waiting for the much more interesting contribution from Bulgaria, but somehow, I doubt you'll notice it.

Georgia

I'm sorry, but if you're at this point in the running singing a ballad called waterfall, everyone is definitely going to the loo. (Maybe they can go grab that thing off Jedward last year for their performance, and give us the first eurovision returning prop!)

TB Odds HIGH. Nothing to see in this one. 

Russia

Much as I want to say you should go for a toilet break during Denmark, I feel like it'd be wiser to go during Russia, cos I don't think anyone should endure this pile of sickening mush anyway. (Russia, really, I expected more from you. Next year, to make up for it, please send the campest Military Russian you're allowed to find with a big pink nuke singing 'I got love like bomb for you//Let me deploy/Oh Boy!'*

TB Odds: If you want to spend a long time in there, you could skip whatever shenanigans the Ukraine will have this year to compensate for a weak entry (real unicorn or GTFO), and get back nice and refreshed for the amazing Anouk. :D