Anouk, Birds

Holy crap, Netherlands, where did you get this from? After the disaster that brought up Sieneke, did anyone expect anything remarkable from this country again? I mean, I thought Joan Franka was cute, but that song was a hard sell.

This year, they decided to skip past voting, and just picked internally. And honestly, this year has been quite a mess for national finals, Sweden has international juries (why?) overruling their public vote, Belarus doesn't understand the point at all, Bulgaria clearly doesn't trust it's public, and there's plagiarism accusations flying everywhere, along with superfluous dancers and Loreen, who, like all winners, is at far too many of these things and becoming quite irritating with her pretentious dancing.

I cannot say enough nice things about this song. It's a classy and grown-up ballad that doesn't have some stupid cliche of shining love light bright eyed hearts because of youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu at the centre. Look at those lyrics:

Isolated from the outside

Clouds have taken all the light

I have no control, it seems my

Thoughts wander all

Of the time, when I tried to

Live life without you

Birds falling down the rooftops

Out of the sky like raindrops

No air, no pride

If being myself is what I do wrong

Then I would rather not be right

Hopes turned into fear and with my

One wing I can't fly

With sunrise, embrace my

Dreams tight and that's why

Birds falling down the rooftops

Out of the sky like raindrops

No air, no pride

Birds

To a place without fear, with no moonlight

(To a place without moonlight and fear)

All I need are trees and flowers and some sunlight

(All I need is trees, some flowers and sunlight)

Where memories are being made and where the old one dies

Where love ain't lies

Birds falling down the rooftops

Out of the sky like raindrops

Birds falling down the rooftops

Out of the sky like raindrops

No air, no pride

That's why birds don't fly It's freaking poetry people. Last year we had the fake 'arty' winner. Now let's have the proper one. Amsterdam 2014! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Israel 2013

Has anyone commented on the hair and glasses of this lady?

Has anyone SEEN the hair and glasses on this lady? 

I did not know they made formal scuba gear? 

BOOBS! 

Oh Belarus

Remember back in December when Belarus picked?

Well, its probably for the best if you dont, cos Alyona's gone and changed her bloody song!

And I'm more indifferent to this one than the other.

I assume the Belarussians are just using this contest as a way of plugging two different singles for the price of one.

*insert Bonnie Tyler joke*

So, after weeks of rumour, or weeks of people telling everyone who it was and being told not to repeat it, the BBC have decided to announce....

Bonnie Tyler.

Bonnie Tyler, I assumed, being born in the mid-80s after her career had faded a bit, was a one-hit wonder of probably the definitive cheesey 80s power ballad, Total Eclipse of the Heart. It's not a song that I think anyone can take seriously, but undoubtedly, you've heard of it. (at least watch the literal video version!)

But, apparently she's been power-ballading all over Europe as a fairly gracefully-surgeried 61 year old. (If you squint, she's like Cascada in clothes.) So she has a new song.

I never thought Engelbert Humperdinck's song was that bad last year, and I blame its second-to-last spot on its position in the running order (Since Tooji came last, I wouldn't blame it on his age.) Tyler's song is in that guitar-pop ballad genre of pleasantness that I don't really like, like Denmarks past few entries. I don't like that, it's far too sappy, but lots of other people do.

I suspect the build-up did not help this one. I mean, they could have just announced it ages ago, instead of keeping it as some big secret. They were never going to get any love for their entrant though, whoever they chose. As far the miserable media is concerned, Eurovision is a bunch of gay foreigners. And no one is EVER going to be good enough. Because no one is ever going to be Bucksfizz.

The BBC seems to think the rest of the competition was frozen in time with that song. Everyone hates Bucksfizz. They were terrible, even in the 80s. It was a dated song even then. Bonnie Tyler's biggest hits of the 80s are more contemporary than Bucksfizz. And they weren't even the last time the UK won. Apart from a blip in the 90s when they were a bit good, and they won, the BBC have just been consistently acting like it's still 1981. And IT ISN'T.

Careers don't fade because you stopped being cool and popular, and Humperdinck and Tyler are both credible singers with continuing success beyond the British Isles (yep, that does happen!), but they are not really very modern, which is the key problem. The UK needs to get something modern.