Chapter 5 of CLLICHES!

LOIS

It's November. Lois is hanging out with Fflur now, getting drunk, smoking dope and complaining about Cerys, with whom she used to 'enjoy comparing and contrasting [her] virtues' but is now 'a self-centered bitch.' WOW! Lois is a horrible person! If Cerys isn't there to validate your own modest behaviour she's a bitch! So now she has to ask Fflur for advice about Daniel. So, when someone else isn't there for her to complain about her boy problems to, she goes to complain to another girl. Fflur has seemingly no traits other than being a goth, who like goth bands more obscure than The Cure and black things. I like Fflur. She tells Lois to invite Daniel around for a romantic dinner of 'a juicy steak, strawberries, oysters... Champagne!' I want to imagine that Fflur was being incredibly sarcastic, and high, because I would love to know how anyone could do that in a student hall! Lois has written one essay on her course and scraped a pass and she's upset because she was so brilliant at school. Boo hoo. This happened to everyone at first. She wants to maybe change to Drama, but her parents wanted her to do Law, and she always fancied being a barrister and earning shedloads. Last chapter, Lois chose to do Law because of LA LAW. Two of her A levels were Music and Drama. What are the entry requirements for a Law degree? Barristers don't actually necessarily earn shedloads, but they certainly, it is true, earn more than a drama student.

Lois actually makes oysters! Girl, never take advice from someone who's high. Sexy times begin to happen! Lois tries to give Daniel a blow job. He goes limp in her hand. She gets upset. He says its the drink and dope. It probably is. 'Her gut ached with the combination of sexual arousal and crushing disappointment. What was wrong with her?' Cerys comes back and actually comforts Lois by telling her that yeah, it was probably the drink and that but also Daniel has issues because years ago he'd given his brother ecstasy and he'd died. Cerys tells her, smartly, that if she wants some fun and sex, she should give up on him and find someone who's not depressed and troubled. Lois tells Cerys that she's the college bike, and that sex isn't everything. Lois, I've decided, is actually a bitch! Lois WANTED to have sex with Daniel. Apparently Lois hasn't gotten to know Daniel in any real way or she'd have maybe noticed he's kinda troubled. When her friend gives her advice about the situation, she actually criticises her friend for being a whore, even though apparently she's actually only going out with Marc now.

This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press. WHY?

CERYS

Marc and Cerys are having sex in Machynlleth because its suitably anonymous. That's 30 mins on the train, which only goes every two hours. What, was everything in Borth booked up? Marc is annoyed with Cerys for snogging Cai outside his house. Right, that incident last chapter took place in October. It's now November. Apparently they've been having loads of sex since that night, and Cerys has only been seeing Marc. But here Marc has a go at Cerys for seeing Cai, back in October. So.... plot mess here. Cerys RIGHTLY points out that someone who is cheating on their wife doesn't get to complain that she is seeing someone else too! Marc says he's not having sex with his wife and their life is boring. Cerys asks why he doesn't just get a divorce. He says he'd lose his kids, his job, his house. Marc is a bullshitting fucking coward. Marc goes into a totally manipulative spiel about how he didn't mean to do any of this to her and its not fair. But he can't help himself, and it wasn't fair for her to have sex with another guy, and that someday he'll leave his wife. You can tell EXACTLY where this plot is going.

Cerys decides that she'll get pregnant and then he'll have to leave his wife and marry her and she can be a trophy wife to a successful academic. Academics are really not that well paid, and Marc would undoubtedly be fired, or at least be demoted/never promoted, if he left his wife and kids to marry a student half his age who he got pregnant while cheating on his wife. Cerys is apparently not very sexually wise for a college bike.

HYWEL

Hywel tries to go out with Meleri, but Meleri is still in love with Huw, and dumps him mid-party for Huw. Hywel decides that he's going to wait for Meleri to see what a knob Huw is. Why are the girls in this story are so horrible? Just sex-crazed, petty, backstabbing, gossipy bitches who use guys!

This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press. WHY?

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4