People used to believe that women only went to university to get their M.R.S. - i.e. to find a husband. Nowadays, universities have larger numbers of female students, but even I sometimes can't shake the feeling that there are still girls who aren't really academically inclined, and are really just looking for a boyfriend, and are only there to not get a job.
Thank god then that this novel portrays it's female characters with academic focus and dedication!
LOIS
Lois and Fflur have dropped out of university, faking some psychological issues so they can keep their scholarships. Because mental health problems are just a thing that helps you get out of taking responsibility and getting money. Lois though hasn't told her parents about any of this, and now they've angrily turned up at her flat, where they're all apparently doing nothing but get drunk and smoke weed, and are, quite reasonably, concerned. Of course, in this narrative Lois is acting like their interference is a total downer, and why can't they let her be free! They point out that they're giving her £200 a month.
WAIT! WHAT? SHE GETS £200 A MONTH FROM HER PARENTS, AND A SCHOLARSHIP.
Her rent, apparently, is £30 a month? Her scholarship, which she got to keep, was £1500. On top of that her and Fflur have just got jobs in the supermarket (ah, the heady days of 1991/2 when you could just go to the supermarket, ask for a job, and you'd both be hired!) By my count, Lois here is getting a pretty reasonable income even before you factor in the £200 she gets from her parents. And living costs in 1991 weren't that bad either.
Anyway she escapes her evil parents (GOD HELP YOU, YOUR PARENTS LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY!) on Daniel's bike to hide out in another house in Aberystwyth. All these empty bedrooms going!
CERYS
Cerys is PREGNANT! That's what she gets for being a whore. Bad girls always get punished! ALWAYS! FEMINISM! Anyway, she wants to talk to Lois and bumps into her in the supermarket with the Fat Slags. Because they're women, they handle this potential dilemma of a pregnant woman with tact, discretion and consideration:
'At least I don't overeat because no one wants to have sex with me!', said Fflur.
She then overcharges them £60 for the sweets. Which apparently is twice the costs of rent, so WTF, how much did she overcharge them? How many crisps did they buy? Did Davies do any research into how much anything should have cost?
Lois has a go at Cerys for telling her own mum about Lois dropping out, who then told Lois's mum. Because this is obviously Cerys's fault, and not Lois's fault for lying to her parents for months.
So, Cerys tell Marc. Marc gets angry at her for tricking him by deliberately getting pregnant, which Cerys actually did do, so this piece of stereotypical male fear of a baby trap is actually legitimated by the narrative. FEMINISM! Cerys doesn't want to get an abortion. He tells her she has to, 'it's just a bunch of cells.' She doesn't respond with 'You're gonna see a bunch of cells soon, you utter cunt!' No, she makes up some story about how if she has an abortion she'll never be able to have a baby again, so she can't have an abortion. No, Cerys, you can't have an abortion because it's your body, it's your choice and you can't be forced into it, and if you told the doctor that your boyfriend is a married man who's pressuring you into it because he's afraid his wife will leave him and that you didn't really want to get rid of a baby and you wanted to keep it, that doctor would undoubtedly refuse to perform such an operation. Hell, its generally the case that most girls find their doctors reluctant to do it, not being all 'well, spread your legs, I'll get the coathanger!' But I wouldn't have expected a female author to have any more nuanced grasp on the complex nature of it.
Cerys decides that she's gonna leave it long enough so she can't get an abortion, so then she can pressue Marc more. BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA WORK!
The Fat Slags tell her that she'll be kicked out of the college if she's pregnant. I very much doubt that would be in any way true. There surely is a women's officer in the student union that could advise her more clearly on this? She decides that the Fat Slags are ugly fat bitches! 'Seeing one of the Slags's stark naked amours running helter skelter down Taliesin's corridors, screaming in shock and disbelief was a regular occurence.' Yep, let's mock the fat girls. Fat girls deserve to be mocked. Guys are horrified by the thought of sleeping with a fat girl, they literally run away so fast they don't even get dressed. And how many people live in this hall? And if this is a regular occurence, that would mean various men have at some point been sexually interested in these women.
Lois tells Cerys she should get an abortion. They decide not to talk about it any more because they've got to go to a wedding. Cerys asks to borrow something sexy off Lois? Because, you know, she's a whore!
Hywel gets married and they move into a flat, because his life is basically great! BUT WAIT! The warden/academic from Taliesin has come to their flat to tell them something (and apparently, there's no problems for these two either moving out of the halls mid-term.) Hywel's father passed away!
For some reason it specifies that Dr Edmund is a PhD, not a medical doctor.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Thursday, 13 November 2014
Chapter 8 of Freshers
So, it's now December
Lois is getting letters from her department asking why isn't she at tutorials. She whinges that they already got their money, so why can't they leave her be?
And that money would be?
Tuition fees, paid by students, were not introduced until 1997/8. This is 1991. This seems like quite a glaring oversight for a writer. No one needs to be constantly factually accurate, but this is easily researchable. Even if some students were paying fees, they were nowhere near current figures. it's already established that Lois is not exactly living on the bread line. She's getting a scholarship, she's not even on a student loan here!
This chapter is very repetitive, only otherwise establishing that Lois isn't doing very well, and that she used to be the best student. It's bad editing as well that no one picked up how many times it is mentioned that Lois isn't doing very well, because this is going to come up again. This must be part of the extra 20,000 words.She goes a a tutorial, it's dull, then she has yet another wild house party, and an argument with Hywel.
CERYS
Cerys continues to be a gross whore, now on a train from Aberystywth to London. Did they have first class compartments in 1991? They don't now! She's reading a women's porn mag on the train, and this gets Marc excited so they have sex in the toilet. Nothing's sexier than train toilets! I'm going to assume that their constant shagging has caused brain damage since if you're trying to have a SECRET affair, doing it in a toilet on a train would risk a potential charge of indecency.
He takes her to Stringfelllows, because that's romantic! Then he takes her to Oxford Street and buys her an expensive ring that costs over £1000. Not being a ring person, and not old enough in 1991 to understand money, I can't actually tell if we're supposed to think that's impressive or spectacularly rubbish.
Back at their hotel UH OH, Marc's wife rang the room, and Cerys picked up. Mrs Arwel doesn't buy for a second Marc's excuse that she's the maid! Because, come on Marc. Rookie move! You should have had that off the hook. Marc gets into a strop and ditches Cerys, who thinks Marc's wife is a 'bloody bitch' for killing the vibe. FEMINISM!
HYWEL
And because this book is written by a woman, Hywel's plotline is the most consequence free. He takes Meleri home to meet his parents, failing to mention that they'd be sleeping in seperate beds because they're Christian. Meleri, being a sex-crazed maniac like all the women of this novel, has sex with him and his parents burst in. So Hywel announces he's leaving and decides to marry Meleri. No problems for Hywel, and his sex doll of a fiance! FEMINISM!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Lois is getting letters from her department asking why isn't she at tutorials. She whinges that they already got their money, so why can't they leave her be?
And that money would be?
Tuition fees, paid by students, were not introduced until 1997/8. This is 1991. This seems like quite a glaring oversight for a writer. No one needs to be constantly factually accurate, but this is easily researchable. Even if some students were paying fees, they were nowhere near current figures. it's already established that Lois is not exactly living on the bread line. She's getting a scholarship, she's not even on a student loan here!
This chapter is very repetitive, only otherwise establishing that Lois isn't doing very well, and that she used to be the best student. It's bad editing as well that no one picked up how many times it is mentioned that Lois isn't doing very well, because this is going to come up again. This must be part of the extra 20,000 words.She goes a a tutorial, it's dull, then she has yet another wild house party, and an argument with Hywel.
CERYS
Cerys continues to be a gross whore, now on a train from Aberystywth to London. Did they have first class compartments in 1991? They don't now! She's reading a women's porn mag on the train, and this gets Marc excited so they have sex in the toilet. Nothing's sexier than train toilets! I'm going to assume that their constant shagging has caused brain damage since if you're trying to have a SECRET affair, doing it in a toilet on a train would risk a potential charge of indecency.
He takes her to Stringfelllows, because that's romantic! Then he takes her to Oxford Street and buys her an expensive ring that costs over £1000. Not being a ring person, and not old enough in 1991 to understand money, I can't actually tell if we're supposed to think that's impressive or spectacularly rubbish.
Back at their hotel UH OH, Marc's wife rang the room, and Cerys picked up. Mrs Arwel doesn't buy for a second Marc's excuse that she's the maid! Because, come on Marc. Rookie move! You should have had that off the hook. Marc gets into a strop and ditches Cerys, who thinks Marc's wife is a 'bloody bitch' for killing the vibe. FEMINISM!
HYWEL
And because this book is written by a woman, Hywel's plotline is the most consequence free. He takes Meleri home to meet his parents, failing to mention that they'd be sleeping in seperate beds because they're Christian. Meleri, being a sex-crazed maniac like all the women of this novel, has sex with him and his parents burst in. So Hywel announces he's leaving and decides to marry Meleri. No problems for Hywel, and his sex doll of a fiance! FEMINISM!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Wednesday, 12 November 2014
Chapter 7 descends into complete fantasy! More Freshers!
LOIS
So, Lois and Fflur are told that yes, they do have year long tenancies on their rooms, and that if they leave, they'll have to continue paying. They shout and scream at the academic who runs their dorm (An academic runs their dorm) and he tells them he'll tell their parents.
But apparently, they can afford to pay rent on both rooms, so they just hand in their keys and go. Lois suggests that maybe they'll just get part time jobs, and that'll make things easier. Fflur says she's not fond of working. Oh Fuck you, then. It must be nice that instead of working out a situation reasonably (such as swapping rooms with some students in a different hall) you can just pay for two rooms and not have any problems there. Wasn't she complaining about buying law books several chapters back?
Down in the town, they have this amazing huge spacious flat, available mid-term and cheaper than their university accomodation. BULLSHIT! Oh come on! That would never happen. And, oh, it's got an extra room, so Daniel can move in to. Aren't things just so incredibly easy and wonderful for Lois.
Fuck this novel!
CERYS
Cerys is obviously a self-involved bitch again, and complains about someone else moving into the room with her. One of the Fat Slags, Sali (IT'S FUCKING WELSH!), tells her that she goes back years with the academic who runs the dorm (erm, what?) and that she'll make sure nothing happens. Well, nothing would happen, because Lois is still paying for the room. Anyway, Sali tells Cerys that she has to give her something for this. So Sali kisses Cerys, and Cerys says she's not a lesbian, and Sali threatens Cerys. So the only lesbian (or, at least, bi-curious) person in the novel starts threatening the breasty vagina with legs. Davies does realise that there are a lot of unfortunate implications in making the Fat Slags physically repulsive, nasty, vindictive, possible lesbians, doesn't she? This was written in 2010. By a woman, and for a women's writing press. I seriously despair!
Then the breast-vagina-legs goes out with a guy called Foxy (It's not Welsh!) to a restaurant where Marc is with his wife, and teases him. She basically sticks her breasts on Foxy's plate, asks him loudly to have sex with her and comments that Marc's wife is an 'uptight bitch.' FEMINISM!
HYWEL
Hywel goes on a date with some Christian girl, to make Meleri jealous. This actually works, and he dumps the Christian girl to go have sex with Meleri when he's got rid of her.
*headdesk*
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
So, Lois and Fflur are told that yes, they do have year long tenancies on their rooms, and that if they leave, they'll have to continue paying. They shout and scream at the academic who runs their dorm (An academic runs their dorm) and he tells them he'll tell their parents.
But apparently, they can afford to pay rent on both rooms, so they just hand in their keys and go. Lois suggests that maybe they'll just get part time jobs, and that'll make things easier. Fflur says she's not fond of working. Oh Fuck you, then. It must be nice that instead of working out a situation reasonably (such as swapping rooms with some students in a different hall) you can just pay for two rooms and not have any problems there. Wasn't she complaining about buying law books several chapters back?
Down in the town, they have this amazing huge spacious flat, available mid-term and cheaper than their university accomodation. BULLSHIT! Oh come on! That would never happen. And, oh, it's got an extra room, so Daniel can move in to. Aren't things just so incredibly easy and wonderful for Lois.
Fuck this novel!
CERYS
Cerys is obviously a self-involved bitch again, and complains about someone else moving into the room with her. One of the Fat Slags, Sali (IT'S FUCKING WELSH!), tells her that she goes back years with the academic who runs the dorm (erm, what?) and that she'll make sure nothing happens. Well, nothing would happen, because Lois is still paying for the room. Anyway, Sali tells Cerys that she has to give her something for this. So Sali kisses Cerys, and Cerys says she's not a lesbian, and Sali threatens Cerys. So the only lesbian (or, at least, bi-curious) person in the novel starts threatening the breasty vagina with legs. Davies does realise that there are a lot of unfortunate implications in making the Fat Slags physically repulsive, nasty, vindictive, possible lesbians, doesn't she? This was written in 2010. By a woman, and for a women's writing press. I seriously despair!
Then the breast-vagina-legs goes out with a guy called Foxy (It's not Welsh!) to a restaurant where Marc is with his wife, and teases him. She basically sticks her breasts on Foxy's plate, asks him loudly to have sex with her and comments that Marc's wife is an 'uptight bitch.' FEMINISM!
HYWEL
Hywel goes on a date with some Christian girl, to make Meleri jealous. This actually works, and he dumps the Christian girl to go have sex with Meleri when he's got rid of her.
*headdesk*
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
the halfway point of Clliches!
So... Lois and Cerys argue. Lois is obviously meant to be the one in the right about the fact that Cerys is a terrible roommate and Fflur is better, so she decides she's going to move out. Anyone who's ever been to university or paid rent anyway will probably know that there'd be a tenancy agreement or some contract and you can't just leave. Lois is also unhappy with her course because 'the reality was exceedingly dry lectures, a heap of prep work and no creativity, drama or male eye candy to be found within the precincts of the law department, nor within a mile! That's a bit harsh. The entire campus is probably barely a mile! Lois expected university to be sexy men and sexy essays. WHY DID ANY OF THESE PEOPLE GO TO UNIVERSITY?
Cerys and Lois have a cliched bitchy argument where they call each other frigid and whore. Lois, and everyone else in this chapter, point out that everyone knows about their affair. Because it's Aberystwyth. It's really small. I don#'t think Davies actually thought any of this storyline through. It's not a big city. OBVIOUSLY. Cerys continues to be utterly deluded about Marc, and the Fat Slags tell her to go spy on him. Which she does, by sitting on a wall opposite their house, with binoculaurs. And obviously she sees a seemingly happy, loving family. I don't even see why you would need to do that in Aberystwyth. He lives on the seafront. How would you not have already seen his wife? All the bars, clubs and the old college, which seems to be the only place anyone has lectures, are all on the seafront. It's a small town! There are like 2 supermarkets! You wouldn't need to spy on anyone and you certainly wouldn't need to do it like this:
'I've loved you from the first minute I saw you on Penglais Hill.' You've been in love with her since the time you saw her passed out drunk in the middle of the pavement? How romantic.
What the hell is wrong with everyone in this novel? Why do all these characters live in the same hall? And why are they all Welsh?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Cerys and Lois have a cliched bitchy argument where they call each other frigid and whore. Lois, and everyone else in this chapter, point out that everyone knows about their affair. Because it's Aberystwyth. It's really small. I don#'t think Davies actually thought any of this storyline through. It's not a big city. OBVIOUSLY. Cerys continues to be utterly deluded about Marc, and the Fat Slags tell her to go spy on him. Which she does, by sitting on a wall opposite their house, with binoculaurs. And obviously she sees a seemingly happy, loving family. I don't even see why you would need to do that in Aberystwyth. He lives on the seafront. How would you not have already seen his wife? All the bars, clubs and the old college, which seems to be the only place anyone has lectures, are all on the seafront. It's a small town! There are like 2 supermarkets! You wouldn't need to spy on anyone and you certainly wouldn't need to do it like this:
Mrs Arwel: Marc, is that one of your floozies sitting on the wall over there spying on us?
Marc: Don't you think my penis is just impressive!
So Cerys takes a picture of him with his wife with a camera she had in her pocket. And then presumably took 20 other pictures to use up the roll of film, went to get it developed and then realised she had a blurry shot of two people in the distance in the garden.
Then she goes to a 9am lecture to taunt him:
'Cerys would always wear provocative miniskirts and tight little tops to the lectures to attract his attention. She'd always sit in the front row and flamboyantly uncross her legs a time or two to egg him on by demonstrating that she'd "forgotten" to put on any underwear.'
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Can you imagine what it's like to be anyone else in that lecture theatre. With this girl doing a Basic Instinct impression in the front row. She's spreading her well worn vagina all over the seats. How could anyone else bear to be in this class? How would anyone have not reported this to the department? Seriously, that's just incredibly gross.
At the end of the lecture, he collects everyone's essays. Cerys, in the front row, hands over an essay with a photo of him on the front and the words BASTARD written on it. What the hell is everyone else doing in this lecture theatre while she's spreading her legs and handing over things like that. She's in the FRONT ROW! (Once again though, I must actually applaud Cerys, because I would probably skip a 9am lecture!)
Marc tells her he's sorry, blah, blah, blah emotional manipulation, and then they have sex on the desk! In the lecture theatre! I don't understand why no one else would be coming in for the next lecture while they're doing this. Or, you know, just a lost student bursting in going, 'sorry, wrong room.'
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Hywel meanwhile tries to make a move on Meleri right after she's broken up with Huw.
What the hell is wrong with everyone in this novel? Why do all these characters live in the same hall? And why are they all Welsh?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 5 of CLLICHES!
LOIS
It's November. Lois is hanging out with Fflur now, getting drunk, smoking dope and complaining about Cerys, with whom she used to 'enjoy comparing and contrasting [her] virtues' but is now 'a self-centered bitch.' WOW! Lois is a horrible person! If Cerys isn't there to validate your own modest behaviour she's a bitch! So now she has to ask Fflur for advice about Daniel. So, when someone else isn't there for her to complain about her boy problems to, she goes to complain to another girl. Fflur has seemingly no traits other than being a goth, who like goth bands more obscure than The Cure and black things. I like Fflur. She tells Lois to invite Daniel around for a romantic dinner of 'a juicy steak, strawberries, oysters... Champagne!' I want to imagine that Fflur was being incredibly sarcastic, and high, because I would love to know how anyone could do that in a student hall! Lois has written one essay on her course and scraped a pass and she's upset because she was so brilliant at school. Boo hoo. This happened to everyone at first. She wants to maybe change to Drama, but her parents wanted her to do Law, and she always fancied being a barrister and earning shedloads. Last chapter, Lois chose to do Law because of LA LAW. Two of her A levels were Music and Drama. What are the entry requirements for a Law degree? Barristers don't actually necessarily earn shedloads, but they certainly, it is true, earn more than a drama student.
Lois actually makes oysters! Girl, never take advice from someone who's high. Sexy times begin to happen! Lois tries to give Daniel a blow job. He goes limp in her hand. She gets upset. He says its the drink and dope. It probably is. 'Her gut ached with the combination of sexual arousal and crushing disappointment. What was wrong with her?' Cerys comes back and actually comforts Lois by telling her that yeah, it was probably the drink and that but also Daniel has issues because years ago he'd given his brother ecstasy and he'd died. Cerys tells her, smartly, that if she wants some fun and sex, she should give up on him and find someone who's not depressed and troubled. Lois tells Cerys that she's the college bike, and that sex isn't everything. Lois, I've decided, is actually a bitch! Lois WANTED to have sex with Daniel. Apparently Lois hasn't gotten to know Daniel in any real way or she'd have maybe noticed he's kinda troubled. When her friend gives her advice about the situation, she actually criticises her friend for being a whore, even though apparently she's actually only going out with Marc now.
This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press. WHY?
CERYS
Marc and Cerys are having sex in Machynlleth because its suitably anonymous. That's 30 mins on the train, which only goes every two hours. What, was everything in Borth booked up? Marc is annoyed with Cerys for snogging Cai outside his house. Right, that incident last chapter took place in October. It's now November. Apparently they've been having loads of sex since that night, and Cerys has only been seeing Marc. But here Marc has a go at Cerys for seeing Cai, back in October. So.... plot mess here. Cerys RIGHTLY points out that someone who is cheating on their wife doesn't get to complain that she is seeing someone else too! Marc says he's not having sex with his wife and their life is boring. Cerys asks why he doesn't just get a divorce. He says he'd lose his kids, his job, his house. Marc is a bullshitting fucking coward. Marc goes into a totally manipulative spiel about how he didn't mean to do any of this to her and its not fair. But he can't help himself, and it wasn't fair for her to have sex with another guy, and that someday he'll leave his wife. You can tell EXACTLY where this plot is going.
Cerys decides that she'll get pregnant and then he'll have to leave his wife and marry her and she can be a trophy wife to a successful academic. Academics are really not that well paid, and Marc would undoubtedly be fired, or at least be demoted/never promoted, if he left his wife and kids to marry a student half his age who he got pregnant while cheating on his wife. Cerys is apparently not very sexually wise for a college bike.
HYWEL
Hywel tries to go out with Meleri, but Meleri is still in love with Huw, and dumps him mid-party for Huw. Hywel decides that he's going to wait for Meleri to see what a knob Huw is. Why are the girls in this story are so horrible? Just sex-crazed, petty, backstabbing, gossipy bitches who use guys!
This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press. WHY?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
It's November. Lois is hanging out with Fflur now, getting drunk, smoking dope and complaining about Cerys, with whom she used to 'enjoy comparing and contrasting [her] virtues' but is now 'a self-centered bitch.' WOW! Lois is a horrible person! If Cerys isn't there to validate your own modest behaviour she's a bitch! So now she has to ask Fflur for advice about Daniel. So, when someone else isn't there for her to complain about her boy problems to, she goes to complain to another girl. Fflur has seemingly no traits other than being a goth, who like goth bands more obscure than The Cure and black things. I like Fflur. She tells Lois to invite Daniel around for a romantic dinner of 'a juicy steak, strawberries, oysters... Champagne!' I want to imagine that Fflur was being incredibly sarcastic, and high, because I would love to know how anyone could do that in a student hall! Lois has written one essay on her course and scraped a pass and she's upset because she was so brilliant at school. Boo hoo. This happened to everyone at first. She wants to maybe change to Drama, but her parents wanted her to do Law, and she always fancied being a barrister and earning shedloads. Last chapter, Lois chose to do Law because of LA LAW. Two of her A levels were Music and Drama. What are the entry requirements for a Law degree? Barristers don't actually necessarily earn shedloads, but they certainly, it is true, earn more than a drama student.
Lois actually makes oysters! Girl, never take advice from someone who's high. Sexy times begin to happen! Lois tries to give Daniel a blow job. He goes limp in her hand. She gets upset. He says its the drink and dope. It probably is. 'Her gut ached with the combination of sexual arousal and crushing disappointment. What was wrong with her?' Cerys comes back and actually comforts Lois by telling her that yeah, it was probably the drink and that but also Daniel has issues because years ago he'd given his brother ecstasy and he'd died. Cerys tells her, smartly, that if she wants some fun and sex, she should give up on him and find someone who's not depressed and troubled. Lois tells Cerys that she's the college bike, and that sex isn't everything. Lois, I've decided, is actually a bitch! Lois WANTED to have sex with Daniel. Apparently Lois hasn't gotten to know Daniel in any real way or she'd have maybe noticed he's kinda troubled. When her friend gives her advice about the situation, she actually criticises her friend for being a whore, even though apparently she's actually only going out with Marc now.
This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press. WHY?
CERYS
Marc and Cerys are having sex in Machynlleth because its suitably anonymous. That's 30 mins on the train, which only goes every two hours. What, was everything in Borth booked up? Marc is annoyed with Cerys for snogging Cai outside his house. Right, that incident last chapter took place in October. It's now November. Apparently they've been having loads of sex since that night, and Cerys has only been seeing Marc. But here Marc has a go at Cerys for seeing Cai, back in October. So.... plot mess here. Cerys RIGHTLY points out that someone who is cheating on their wife doesn't get to complain that she is seeing someone else too! Marc says he's not having sex with his wife and their life is boring. Cerys asks why he doesn't just get a divorce. He says he'd lose his kids, his job, his house. Marc is a bullshitting fucking coward. Marc goes into a totally manipulative spiel about how he didn't mean to do any of this to her and its not fair. But he can't help himself, and it wasn't fair for her to have sex with another guy, and that someday he'll leave his wife. You can tell EXACTLY where this plot is going.
Cerys decides that she'll get pregnant and then he'll have to leave his wife and marry her and she can be a trophy wife to a successful academic. Academics are really not that well paid, and Marc would undoubtedly be fired, or at least be demoted/never promoted, if he left his wife and kids to marry a student half his age who he got pregnant while cheating on his wife. Cerys is apparently not very sexually wise for a college bike.
HYWEL
Hywel tries to go out with Meleri, but Meleri is still in love with Huw, and dumps him mid-party for Huw. Hywel decides that he's going to wait for Meleri to see what a knob Huw is. Why are the girls in this story are so horrible? Just sex-crazed, petty, backstabbing, gossipy bitches who use guys!
This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press. WHY?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Hywel's subplot and Chapter 4 of Freshers.
So, after eating her out. Marc Arwel, who is so insanely old at the age of 36, insists that she's the only student he's ever slept with. And that he's a mature man who 'knows how to really pleasure a woman' (I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT!), and Cerys falls in love with him, in a way that makes no sense for someone who's supposedly as sexually experienced as she is. I don't think 'she's 18' would be a sufficient explanation here. She's supposedly been having sex since she was 15, having encounters with sexy French strangers she's met on fancy holidays while wearing not much more than underwear. Her character background is a little concerning and Marc Arwel's behaviour, given that he's a lecturer, is seriously, seriously perverse and disturbing. I'm not sure though that we're supposed to be seeing his behaviour as disturbing.
HYWEL
Hywel discovers student societies, even Christian ones, are full of self-centered egotists. I'll give credit that this sounds very accurate, but it's also quite obvious. This isn't supposed to be a Young Adult novel. Most people who read this novel are probably at least undergraduates. It's written by a woman who went to university. This university. Yet it reads incredibly superficially, as if someone has only been told what university was like.
Anyway, that goth is back. The one who didn't want meet a 'fucking Bible-basher.' She's named Fflur! (IT'S WELSH!). These two chat for a while, and realise they have stuff in common. Which is not surprising in any way. Who loves religious imagery more than Goths? These two are obviously going to get together.
Then he meets a girl called Meleri. IT'S WELSH! Everyone in this version of Aberystwyth is Welsh, and has a very Welsh name. Even though Aberystwyth is in reality quite a diverse university (most universities are) and generally, you'd probably meet more students from Birmingham than anywhere else, given that Birmingham is where the trains go, and consequently the nearest and easiest big city to get to.
There's a proofing error on page 66 that says 'one of the rules of his Church was no pre-martial sex.'
Chapter 4 and we're back to LOIS being all virginal. I'm hoping the book isn't always going to be ordered: Lois, Cerys, Hywel. It's a very tedious structure.
'Lois was very happy with her recently purchased red mini-dress; it was short, not too eye-poppingly red, and sexy without being tarty.' OF COURSE NOT! SHE'S A VIRGIN! Jesus fucking Christ! Where exactly are they finding these incredibly sexy dresses. Aberystwyth isn't as quaint as some of its media portrayals, but it's equally still a small town, so it's not that fashion forward either. Laura Palmer was more typical of 1991 styling. 1991 is just before grunge and Britpop are about to break out. Sexy mini-dresses I remember thinking were more of a mid to late 90s thing for actual high street fashion - like Clueless, the Spice Girls and Buffy the Vampire Slayer - and the internet seems to agree. But if anyone wants to send me pictures of their 1991 self in hot pants and skinny t-shirts, on a cold British beach they're welcome to.
Lois has had to spend her money on boring Law books, when she'd wanted to spend it on drinking with Cai (IT'S WELSH!) and Daniel. Given that she was earlier going on about getting a full scholarship of £1500 (1991!), and she doesn't exactly sound like she comes from some background of hardship, I'm not exactly sorry for her. Also, you know, libraries gave us power and loans so we didn't have to buy expensive law books in their latest editions.And her lectures are hard, and everyone else is finding it so easy. Firstly, everyone will tell you that's not at all true, and secondly, they probably didn't decide to do Law, even though their interest is in Music, because they watched LA LAW.
Lois worries Cerys might try and steal her man, even though she doesn't have him yet and if Daniel decides he prefers Cerys, that's Daniel's fault, not hers. Why would these two be friends? Lois brags to Cerys about her new cool friends, once she realises that Cerys isn't interested. Yeah, that sounds like a healthy friendship!
Lois gets shy about her dress and puts a cardigan on because Daniel hasn't immediately paid attention to her sexy dress, because some other sexy third year blonder with a tasteful white mini-dress speaks to him. Then she gets really drunk, and resentful of the 'blonde bitch.' Because a slightly more attractive girl who talks to a guy that you barely even know is a bitch! This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press.
Then she takes some ecstasy, goes a bit funny, a guy bothers her and Daniel rescues her. Then they kiss. This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press.
CERYS THE BUTAIN!
She seemingly never wears a bra. She'll regret that someday. Marc says her nipples are 'the devil's rosebuds.' That is just gross. Marc apparently lives on the seafront in Aberystwyth. The hotel they were in was just off the seafront. Aber is a small town. How the fuck does he pull any of this off? Anyway, she's getting off with Cai now, apparently outside Marc's house. Cerys hasn't been given a single trait that doesn't portray her like a whore! Because at this point, we're only two weeks into the term and Cerys has had sex with three different men. Which, well, you know, if she wants to have sex with different people, she can do! Why not? I'm not slutshaming her! But the narrative is, making her nothing but sex and breasts and men! I applaud a girl who can have sex on the pebbly beach of Aberystwyth in OCTOBER!
HYWEL
Hywel has shit hair! But he's bought some cool clothes in Topman and River Island. Now he's hoping Meleri Haf (IT'S WEEEEELLLLLLSSSSSSHHHHH!) will love him! Meleri? What about Fflur?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
HYWEL
Hywel discovers student societies, even Christian ones, are full of self-centered egotists. I'll give credit that this sounds very accurate, but it's also quite obvious. This isn't supposed to be a Young Adult novel. Most people who read this novel are probably at least undergraduates. It's written by a woman who went to university. This university. Yet it reads incredibly superficially, as if someone has only been told what university was like.
Anyway, that goth is back. The one who didn't want meet a 'fucking Bible-basher.' She's named Fflur! (IT'S WELSH!). These two chat for a while, and realise they have stuff in common. Which is not surprising in any way. Who loves religious imagery more than Goths? These two are obviously going to get together.
Then he meets a girl called Meleri. IT'S WELSH! Everyone in this version of Aberystwyth is Welsh, and has a very Welsh name. Even though Aberystwyth is in reality quite a diverse university (most universities are) and generally, you'd probably meet more students from Birmingham than anywhere else, given that Birmingham is where the trains go, and consequently the nearest and easiest big city to get to.
There's a proofing error on page 66 that says 'one of the rules of his Church was no pre-martial sex.'
Chapter 4 and we're back to LOIS being all virginal. I'm hoping the book isn't always going to be ordered: Lois, Cerys, Hywel. It's a very tedious structure.
'Lois was very happy with her recently purchased red mini-dress; it was short, not too eye-poppingly red, and sexy without being tarty.' OF COURSE NOT! SHE'S A VIRGIN! Jesus fucking Christ! Where exactly are they finding these incredibly sexy dresses. Aberystwyth isn't as quaint as some of its media portrayals, but it's equally still a small town, so it's not that fashion forward either. Laura Palmer was more typical of 1991 styling. 1991 is just before grunge and Britpop are about to break out. Sexy mini-dresses I remember thinking were more of a mid to late 90s thing for actual high street fashion - like Clueless, the Spice Girls and Buffy the Vampire Slayer - and the internet seems to agree. But if anyone wants to send me pictures of their 1991 self in hot pants and skinny t-shirts, on a cold British beach they're welcome to.
Lois has had to spend her money on boring Law books, when she'd wanted to spend it on drinking with Cai (IT'S WELSH!) and Daniel. Given that she was earlier going on about getting a full scholarship of £1500 (1991!), and she doesn't exactly sound like she comes from some background of hardship, I'm not exactly sorry for her. Also, you know, libraries gave us power and loans so we didn't have to buy expensive law books in their latest editions.And her lectures are hard, and everyone else is finding it so easy. Firstly, everyone will tell you that's not at all true, and secondly, they probably didn't decide to do Law, even though their interest is in Music, because they watched LA LAW.
Lois worries Cerys might try and steal her man, even though she doesn't have him yet and if Daniel decides he prefers Cerys, that's Daniel's fault, not hers. Why would these two be friends? Lois brags to Cerys about her new cool friends, once she realises that Cerys isn't interested. Yeah, that sounds like a healthy friendship!
Lois gets shy about her dress and puts a cardigan on because Daniel hasn't immediately paid attention to her sexy dress, because some other sexy third year blonder with a tasteful white mini-dress speaks to him. Then she gets really drunk, and resentful of the 'blonde bitch.' Because a slightly more attractive girl who talks to a guy that you barely even know is a bitch! This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press.
Then she takes some ecstasy, goes a bit funny, a guy bothers her and Daniel rescues her. Then they kiss. This was written by a woman, and published by a women's writing press.
CERYS THE BUTAIN!
She seemingly never wears a bra. She'll regret that someday. Marc says her nipples are 'the devil's rosebuds.' That is just gross. Marc apparently lives on the seafront in Aberystwyth. The hotel they were in was just off the seafront. Aber is a small town. How the fuck does he pull any of this off? Anyway, she's getting off with Cai now, apparently outside Marc's house. Cerys hasn't been given a single trait that doesn't portray her like a whore! Because at this point, we're only two weeks into the term and Cerys has had sex with three different men. Which, well, you know, if she wants to have sex with different people, she can do! Why not? I'm not slutshaming her! But the narrative is, making her nothing but sex and breasts and men! I applaud a girl who can have sex on the pebbly beach of Aberystwyth in OCTOBER!
HYWEL
Hywel has shit hair! But he's bought some cool clothes in Topman and River Island. Now he's hoping Meleri Haf (IT'S WEEEEELLLLLLSSSSSSHHHHH!) will love him! Meleri? What about Fflur?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
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