Ireland's National Final

Right, I'm going away on Thursday to a hotel in Scotland that has no internet! Which means.... BOOO, I'm going to miss the Irish National Final!

Still, it's probably the most obvious bloody contest of all. Sigh. Oh general public, must you be so easily led!

So, here's what will happen on Friday

Ryan Tubridy will open the Late Late Show. He will continue to be his usual under-appreciated, oft-maligned, geeky academic hotness.

My future 3rd husband

Anyway, first up will be Maria McCool. Her song will be underappreciated and everyone will sulk that it might not be very Eurovision even though her song is beautiful and awesome! B*witched jokes will be made (My sister will kill me if I don't use the '*' symbol there!) 

Then Donna McCaul will be on. She'll be a minor disappointment, restricted by the nature of the RTE studio,   but still an impressive show. Everyone will say they think it's great but it'll seem obvious they're lying. Ryan Tubridy has no pokerface. 

Then we'll get the guitar boy. Everyone will compliment it's skill but subtly dislike it. 

Then we'll all be bored by Language of Love

Then Jedward will be on, everyone will gush about how awesome they were, reference their lack of talent, ignore how blandly american their sound is.

Then a former 90s winner will perform. We'll give the thing a standing ovation because their 90s wins were all made of fucking WIN and awesome! Ryan Tubridy will awkwardly interview, because he is no personality, and no real journalist, and often seems out of his depth. Or perhaps, beneath his depth, because The Late Late Show is descending into trashy disposable celebrity levels, and Tubridy just does not seem like a man interested in Z listers. He seems like a guy who should be presenting smart but down-to-earth history documentaries. 

Anyway... after 40 minutes of faffing the juries and televote will speak. It'll seem briefly like Donna will win, but Limerick will be again a place of inbreds and fuck all taste and will vote for jedward, and they'll win by a landslide. Ryan Tubridy will again fail at pokerface and will wonder briefly why is he doing this at all, why didn't he just scream at the audience and call it for someone else. Gay Byrne wouldn't have stood for this shit. Nor would Pat Kenny.

Sigh