Nordic Round Up - minus Sweden.

Iceland didn't pick Magni, BOOO

Norway didn't pick Alexander Rybak's baby sister, or whatever she was. HOORAH! He looked like this about the matter

Norway's entry, some ode to feeders, inspires no real opinion in me. It just seems odd and flat. But it's not Rybak, so ahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!

And Finland picked this:

Where to even start with this one?

Ok, firstly, if you want to marry him that badly, why can't you propose. This is the 21st century?

Secondly, "I'm your slave and you're my master." Are you fucking serious?

Thirdly: Did you grab that dress from a bin?

Fourthly: Did you grab this song from a bin?

Fifthly: This song's rhyme-scheme is so bad, and that's in a year that already rhymed 'paris' with 'where is' 

Sixthly: Is 'sixthly' a word?

Seventhly: If he takes a shot at you, I hope it's through a long-range rifle.

Eighthly: Why do you have to 'walk  a walk of shame?' What kind of marriage are you in?

Ninthly: If you can get past the line in the second verse about her giving him cute babies, you're a stronger person than me.

Tenthly: This is not a way to get a guy to propose.

Samis will ruin your Eurovision entries

Am I the only one who likes this song... until the Sami appears.

Five Eurovision Ladies

Hey, it was International Women's Day the other day. I went to an event with a fashion show and goodie bags with moisturisers, hair products and chocolate. Yeah, that's what women are all about. Hair, clothes and chocolate. I despair sometimes, I really do.

Anyway, here's 5 Eurovision Ladies, in no particular order.

1: Ase Kleveland, Norway, 1966
Please excuse the lack of proper characters on that name. I have an English keyboard and getting them into Blogger posts is a pain.

Anyway, Kleveland came third in 1966 with this folksy song that she performed on guitar in a pantsuit. At the time that was considered notable. Nowadays, actually the way women's fashion is, that'd be notable for the inclusion of pants. And when so many songs are about love, desire and all that stuff, it's lyrically interesting too.




After Eurovision: She has had a long career and was formerly Norway's Minister for Culture. Yeah, she did alright really.

2: Silvia Night, Iceland 2006
Well, with my blog's name there's not a chance I wasn't going to mention my Trolling Queen! Oh, how awesome she was! How dreadful she was. I love her so!

I miss Silvia Night. They really need to bring her back!
After Eurovision: Well, Silvia Night is missing in action... Agusta Eva Erlendsdottir is doing Icelandic Films. She's doing alright. I mean, it can't be hard to be big in Iceland.

3: Dana International, Israel, 1998, 2011.
If anyone made Eurovision modern, it was Dana International. Within Eurovision, she's a divisive figure. She pretty much ushered in the era of media-hype winners, though the change to televoting also impacted on that. She is a Eurovision personality, as much as a performer. Which arguably, is a very bad thing. On the other hand, she brought modern pop back into the Eurovision, at a time when it needed a shape up. Certainly, without Dana International, the Eurovision would have continued as a very safe, conservative affair.

After Eurovision: Still performing, she's still a well known gay icon, and obviously (I mean obviously!) has had lots more plastic surgery. Shame she never made it to the final last year.

4: Massiel, Spain, 1968
Hahahahaha, she beat Cliff Richard. Hahahahaha, she was wearing a lampshade as a dress. The UK still hates her.

After Eurovision: Still hearing arguments that her win was rigged. Sigh, UK, let it rest. You've won enough times. Had a long career in Spain afterwards. Was not really ever relevant again to the rest of Europe. But she beat Cliff Richard. Hahahahahaa. And she was wearing a lampshade as a dress (how did she sit in that thing?) That dress, seriously!

5: Niamh Kavanagh
Maybe in private she secretly has a dartboard with Lena at the centre of it, and is cursing Europe for not giving her a second win, but most of the Eurovision fandom seems to agree that she is a genuinely nice person. Deserved to do better in 2010. According to a friend of mine, has MILF potential.

Probably is secretly evil though. Evil! 

Saade 2: Tooji

Eric Saade

Saade 2: Tooji

Seriously, they need to check they aren't related. Or get less dickish haircuts. 

So Norway disappointingly choose Dickface 2 with a crappy dance anthem that if i listened to to the end i would cause brain damage. Oh Norway, I am disappoint. 

You know that piece of shit is going to the finals. Now I at least if Jedward win for Ireland I can at least imagine them beating dickface and watch his terrible attempts to express emotion. 

Snoreway's new horror is unleashed: Tooji

FEAR THE NEW ERIC SAADE!!!! FEAR HIM! With his douche hoodie!

URGH!!!! Even linking this makes the smug dick seem more popular. To counter that badger, badger, badger, badger, mushroom, mushroom  :)

Oh Norway, you seem like such a pretty country. You once had Nocturne. Alexander Rybak, with his punchable smirkiness, has saintly proportions right now. Don't do this to me Norway.

Plumbo: I think it's time we stop letting the public vote.

There was a lot of off-key combinations in Norway's semi final tonight, with cutesy disney tweens singing electro pop, and a bunch of hipsters and fashionistas with questionable english. And bad fake piano playing. This national final season isn't halfway through, and i think i'm beginning to hate eurovision.

The culmination of the awkwardly juxtaposed image/sound was Ola Nordmann.  AAARGH!!!!!!!! He's got a tin whistle and tattoos! It's Norwegian Irish-Trad Rock!

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

Seriously, did we not ban those things with bodhrans after Dervish? Apparently we should have!