Nordic Round Up - minus Sweden.

Iceland didn't pick Magni, BOOO

Norway didn't pick Alexander Rybak's baby sister, or whatever she was. HOORAH! He looked like this about the matter

Norway's entry, some ode to feeders, inspires no real opinion in me. It just seems odd and flat. But it's not Rybak, so ahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!

And Finland picked this:

Where to even start with this one?

Ok, firstly, if you want to marry him that badly, why can't you propose. This is the 21st century?

Secondly, "I'm your slave and you're my master." Are you fucking serious?

Thirdly: Did you grab that dress from a bin?

Fourthly: Did you grab this song from a bin?

Fifthly: This song's rhyme-scheme is so bad, and that's in a year that already rhymed 'paris' with 'where is' 

Sixthly: Is 'sixthly' a word?

Seventhly: If he takes a shot at you, I hope it's through a long-range rifle.

Eighthly: Why do you have to 'walk  a walk of shame?' What kind of marriage are you in?

Ninthly: If you can get past the line in the second verse about her giving him cute babies, you're a stronger person than me.

Tenthly: This is not a way to get a guy to propose.

Iceland Finalists

Iceland's finalists this year are a questionable lot, and have me wondering if all that cold and snow has done something to their brains. The best song of the lot is the one the public never chose. You're not even going to give Yohanna another shot? Fools! 

So, these are the finalists

1: Birgitta Haukdal, Medal Andanna'

Generic eurovision contemporary ballad. Written by Jonas Gladnikoff. Probably would have appeared in someone else's national final if it hadn't been here. Will clearly wind up in English if it won. Yawn.

2: Svavar Knútur Kristinsson & Hreindís Ylva Garðarsdóttir Hólm, 'Lífið Snýst'

What's with all the drums this year? This could have a twee-fight with Switzerland's Not-Heilsarmee. Seriously, they'd throw flowers, joy and peace and we'd all vomit. It would be biological warfare. No, people, no!

3: Eyþór Ingi Gunnlaugsson, "Ég á Líf"

We're sure this is a 2013 entry right? Because you could easily stick this in 1995's Eurovision. Nothing would need changing. Not even the hair. How did this qualify? Even Ireland would reject this. 

4:   Jógvan Hansen & Stefanía Svavarsdóttir "Til þín"

The uninteresting version of Greta and Jonsi. 

5: Unnur Eggertsdóttir, "Ég Syng!"

Another that feels like it might have been in Ireland's national final once. Distracted by all the peachy orange colours. I feel like I'm too old to like this one. 

6: Haraldur Reynisson, "Vinátta"

Is this guy huge in Iceland (as huge as you can be in Iceland)? I can't work out why this guy gets into the finals. I mean, it's ok, but it's not exactly setting anyone's world alight. Who voted for this? Does Haraldur own the phone lines? Does he have a really big family? Why?

7: Magni Ásgeirsson "Ekki Líta Undan"

Iceland, you fools, how could you not pick Magni the first time! What is wrong with you? How could you pick Haraldur? Magni and his facial hair are flawless, send him to Eurovision. Seriously, it has improved:

Before: Dodgy soul patch

Now: More beardy. 

Eurovision: 1912

The other day I had a conversation about how many countries are in the Eurovision, and how it'd be a lot less if it were 1912:

Following last years victory by Mr. Eldar and Mrs Nigar, this years contest will be held in the capital of the Russian Empire, St Petersburg. They will be represented by the young singer Mr Donald Montell. 

Making it's debut in Eurovision this year is the Kingdom of Serbia, represented by Zeljko Joksimovic, singing a ballad about peace in Europe in these troubled times.

Great Britain and Ireland will be represented by brothers John and Edward Grimes, from Dublin, who have been warned not to use the event as a platform to voice Ireland's campaign for independence. Many are unsure if they have the popularity to ensure victory.

The Ottoman Empire has withdrawn from the competition this year, owing to trouble in the region, Bulgaria and Romania have opted not to compete.


Greece has just about managed to compete after economic troubles and political tensions in the region.


Sweden will be represented by Swedish-Finnish singer Miss Pernilla Karlsson with her ballad Nar Jag Blundar, while Denmark will be represented by Icelanders Greta and Jonsi, who have been warned not to use the event as a platform to voice Iceland's campaign for independence. 


San Marino's Miss Monetta is singing a song about typewriters. 




Yep, I really need to get out more.

It's rehearsals time! YAY!!!

So.... this afternoon/morning/night (depending where you are) rehearsals for Eurovision kicked off.



Now, obviously these are just the first rehearsals so you can't really tell much about the end product, but you can tell a few things... so pretty much regard this post as filled with BIG SPOILERS!!!!


Montenegro:
Disappointingly straight-looking, but there's potential for something ridiculous to come.... I hope. That EuroNeuro banner definitely leaves the potential for hijinks. Is never going to qualify, so yeah... let's move on*

Iceland:
These two are so pro. This song is so cool (in every sense, they're from Iceland!)

Latvia:
Still boring

Greece:
I'm thinking this song is going to flop out like Armenia last year. Eleftheria's only move seems to be to shake her hair around a bit. God, does that look stupid.

Albania:
I'm rooting for this one. Come on, people, this is just the first rehearsal, that woman has pipes!

Romania:
Looks more promising than before, a bit fun.

Switzerland:
It seems like this song has been around forever now. This one was first previewed like last September or so. So if it's not made an impression yet, it never will.

Belgium:
Will never like this song. Annoyingly false. Annoyingly bland, and provides a nice toilet break.

Finland
Still under-rated. Still a bit sappy. Green is a good colour for red-heads.

Five Eurovision Ladies

Hey, it was International Women's Day the other day. I went to an event with a fashion show and goodie bags with moisturisers, hair products and chocolate. Yeah, that's what women are all about. Hair, clothes and chocolate. I despair sometimes, I really do.

Anyway, here's 5 Eurovision Ladies, in no particular order.

1: Ase Kleveland, Norway, 1966
Please excuse the lack of proper characters on that name. I have an English keyboard and getting them into Blogger posts is a pain.

Anyway, Kleveland came third in 1966 with this folksy song that she performed on guitar in a pantsuit. At the time that was considered notable. Nowadays, actually the way women's fashion is, that'd be notable for the inclusion of pants. And when so many songs are about love, desire and all that stuff, it's lyrically interesting too.




After Eurovision: She has had a long career and was formerly Norway's Minister for Culture. Yeah, she did alright really.

2: Silvia Night, Iceland 2006
Well, with my blog's name there's not a chance I wasn't going to mention my Trolling Queen! Oh, how awesome she was! How dreadful she was. I love her so!

I miss Silvia Night. They really need to bring her back!
After Eurovision: Well, Silvia Night is missing in action... Agusta Eva Erlendsdottir is doing Icelandic Films. She's doing alright. I mean, it can't be hard to be big in Iceland.

3: Dana International, Israel, 1998, 2011.
If anyone made Eurovision modern, it was Dana International. Within Eurovision, she's a divisive figure. She pretty much ushered in the era of media-hype winners, though the change to televoting also impacted on that. She is a Eurovision personality, as much as a performer. Which arguably, is a very bad thing. On the other hand, she brought modern pop back into the Eurovision, at a time when it needed a shape up. Certainly, without Dana International, the Eurovision would have continued as a very safe, conservative affair.

After Eurovision: Still performing, she's still a well known gay icon, and obviously (I mean obviously!) has had lots more plastic surgery. Shame she never made it to the final last year.

4: Massiel, Spain, 1968
Hahahahaha, she beat Cliff Richard. Hahahahaha, she was wearing a lampshade as a dress. The UK still hates her.

After Eurovision: Still hearing arguments that her win was rigged. Sigh, UK, let it rest. You've won enough times. Had a long career in Spain afterwards. Was not really ever relevant again to the rest of Europe. But she beat Cliff Richard. Hahahahahaa. And she was wearing a lampshade as a dress (how did she sit in that thing?) That dress, seriously!

5: Niamh Kavanagh
Maybe in private she secretly has a dartboard with Lena at the centre of it, and is cursing Europe for not giving her a second win, but most of the Eurovision fandom seems to agree that she is a genuinely nice person. Deserved to do better in 2010. According to a friend of mine, has MILF potential.

Probably is secretly evil though. Evil! 

10 European films for when Eurovision's over

It's Oscars day today and in a departure from Eurovision stuff, and as a result of Eurovision exhaustion right now, I thought I'd do a list of 10 European films to watch, for when you get tired of Eurovision, and need something other than dodgy lyrics about jokers, smokers, the Jagger Mick and other such things. I've tried to pick from a spread of Europe, not just 10 french or german films. Please recommend me more foreign films, in the comments here if you like. I totally want some comments!

1:  Once, Ireland, 2007 

This is a semi-musical about two not-very-remarkable people in Dublin who both want to make music and end up sorta in love, except that she's already married to a Czech who is moving to Ireland soon, and he's off to chase down his girlfriend who scarpered to London some time back. Anyway, it's very sweet, unglamorous and fairly realistic. When you watch Ireland's recent Eurovision entries, and their total failure at being modern, I wonder why they've never looked at Marketa and Glen from this film and thought 'throw them some money and get them on the Eurovision stage.' They got a freaking Oscar for Best Song! Ireland does have musical talent!

2: No Man's Land, Bosnia, 2001

A straightforward film set in a 1990s no mans land area between the bosnians and the serbians where one of them is placed on a land mine, and it all goes a bit philosophical about war, life, death, and such things for a while before everyone gets killed. The ending is massively depressing.


3: The Baader Meinhof Complex, Germany, 2008

This is an interesting, if perhaps flawed and not technically amazing, film about the rise and fall of 1970s German terrorist group the Red Army Faction. What's especially interesting about it is probably what a bunch of absolute wankers they seemed to be.


4:  Anna M, France, 2007

If you ever saw the twee/cutesy Audrey Tautou film He Loves Me He Loves Me Not,  where she has erotomania and stalks a doctor guy she imagines herself in love with, then Anna M is the darker, sinister version of that, with less narrative tricks that don't hold up on rewatching. This has a suicidal librarian and a somber and ugly physiotherapist, not a sweet pretty art student who can whimsically hide her tablets behind a wardrobe and a thematically-linked young handsome heart doctor.

5  Closely Observed Trains, Czech Republic, 1968

I came across this film in university when I had to read the book. It's more linear than the book, about a lad who works in a rural train station, who attempts suicide after he can't go the whole way with his girl in the time of the German occupation of the Czech Republic (or whatever it was back then, I lose track).


6  Control, UK, 2007

When people think of European films, they think of Foreign Language films. Since Ireland's here, I suppose it's only fair to include a good British film that has a Europe vibe about it anyway, being about a band whose post-punk style has its roots in 70s German rock, and was directed by Dutch photographer Anton Corbjin.

7 In Bruges, 2008, Ireland, in a sense...

I don't care what it officially says, I'm calling this one an Irish film. Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Martin Mcdonagh. It's an Irish film, whatever the title says. And I'm trying to make ten on my list. It's set in Bruges, that's in Belgium, that's in Europe. It totally counts. I need to see more foreign films.


8 Jar City, Iceland, 2006 

Why does that pregnant junkie daughter look familiar? Oh, it's Silvia Night! Guess the Eurovision rejection really did hit her hard. This film is basically a Scandinavian crime drama, about some lowlife found murdered and connected with a weird genetic brain disease that only four people have. It's got lots of shots of Iceland that make you think 'oooohh, pretty' and a particularly notable scene where the detective eats a sheeps eat from a takeaway, Google says it is a dish called svid . Probably better than going to a dodgy burger van, mind.

9 Tilsammans, Sweden, 2000

Fucking hippies, man. 

10 Three Colours: White French/Polish, 1994

The Three Colours trilogy is one of those default first-year film student things to watch. I never saw them till years later when a friend gave me Blue as a gift. I wasn't impressed. White, however, is quite good, and probably the only one of the three worth sticking with. The plot is a slightly off comedy about a Polish guy whose French wife dumps him because he's no good in bed (I think?) and he goes back to Poland with a guy who offers him some money to kill him, then he becomes successful in business and sets up his ex-wife as a criminal.





Honorable Mentions: Disco Pigs (Ireland), Bjarnfredarson (Iceland), Fucking Amal (Sweden), Goodbye Lenin, The Lost Honour of Katarina Blum, Volver, Persepolis -- Marjane Sartrapi's French-Iranian, so it counts,

Second Chance - Hugarro

It's like 1:30 am and I cannot get Magni's song out of my head, which i didn't even really like the first time round, but sigh, I think I loves now. Oh well, I wasn't an icelander who could have voted anyway. (How I wish I could have been. Paul Oscar, Silvia Knight, awesome volcanoes -- what's not to love?)

Oh Magni, please lose the facial hair, or at least the dodgy under-lip hitler tasche. You'd be such a cool rock ballad eurovision entry!.

Iceland: Greta Salóme and Jónsi – Mundu eftir mér

For a second I thought I would have to discuss BlarOpal. Oh thank god! I don't. They need never be mentioned again.

So, Iceland avoided comedy, or kids vote and went for the classy choice. I feel like the way it's going at the moment, they will be very lonely in Baku.

Oh well, they outclass the others, and manage to sing a song that doesn't make me want to shove a drill through my eardrums. That is a compliment!

Iceland Semi Final Three

See, there are so many semi-finals on at the moment it's kinda hard to choose. Iceland though, I just think they're sorta cool (well, it's ICE-Land, I imagine it's literally cool aswell). They're so low-budget and considering the repetition of contestants, it's more like a get-together than a competition.

So, Magni got through, as expected. I think I like this song more than when I first heard it, but that facial hair will always offend me!

He has more hair on his face than his head!

I loved the shocked expression on the songwriter's* face when they announced the wildcard entry from last week, which i guess they'd forgotten to tell everyone, since the host did look slightly confused by the envelopes. So Rosa Birgitta Isfeld will also join the final. Yay! I kinda liked this one. I'd also like the green cape in the picture below Although, considering she was heavily pregnant last week, she might be the first Eurovision live birth! *Is the Icelandic final the only one now where you hear more about the songwriter/s than the performers?

Iceland: Semi Final Three Songs very briefly

The link is here, if you haven't already been there. To be honest, I never find Eurovision songs that impressive on first listen, and can't usually tell before they've been performed.

I wonder why Iceland has three semi-finals when they seem to repeat songwriters and performers by then. Why don't they ask them to just choose one? In the end, we'll only choose one song. One of my fave things about Iceland's national final is how friendly they all seem with one another, because a lot of them have worked together before.

After Saturday's fishermen made it to the final, I have hopes for this one. Sadly they're not there. Sigh.

I think we can guess on Magni getting through, though. He will have his time in the Eurovision spotlight, oh yeah!

However, I don't think there's anything to be done about the facial hair.

I'm also fond of the folksy Aldrei segja aldrei.

Overall though, I don't have high hopes for Iceland this year. *sniff* My Rekjavik dream will never come true.

Second Chance: Rytingur

Second Chance -- songs from the National Finals that we (or me!) think deserve another go for Eurovision glory.

With semi finals and lengthy national finals, there are always a few songs that seem genuinely good, but somehow don't grab the audience enough to win. Here is the first I've seen so far, from Iceland, the cool-synth Rytingur by Fatherz'n'Sonz

I think this is a pretty cool song, and outside the Eurovision, I could see a place for this. Stylistically, is it a bit too odd. The chorus is a bit subtle, and there's no real hook. It's a song that could be 6 minutes long rather than 3. We've never heard this sort of music at the competition, who knows. It's on my ipod though, and I still like it, unlike the songs that did get through.